It's all fun and games until...

One year ago today...

It's Milo's first birthday, and yeah, he's grown a ton, and he's doing all kinds of fun things, but in this moment, for his and my benefit while it's still fairly fresh, I'd like to share with my son what Mike and me went thru and were thinking the day he was born. And why we couldn't be happier to be celebrating his first year with him.

We woke up early. It was Monday, and we had the first appointment. Inspired by Kate's beautiful post-birth pictures, I even did my hair and some make-up. We drove to Abbott Northwestern Hospital, parked in the ramp. We had been instructed to leave our stuff in the car because we'd be

moved around a little bit before we got in our own room. I was scared, and I found out later, Mike was too. He was scared for me and because he worried he wasn't ready to be a dad. I was scared. Scared of being a mom, scared of going in for my first major surgery, scared of everything that was going to follow. We knew that our lives were about to change, but there's nothing like scheduling it. It was nice because there were no surprises, but at the same time, we counted the hours and minutes leading up to it.

I can't explain what it's like being a parent, and no one really could to me either, and I think that's part of what I was scared of too: this, the biggest, most life-changing thing Mike and I

would ever do, but we weren't going to know what it was all about until it was happening. All I knew was that it is the best and hardest thing the people I love and trust have ever done. I

consider myself a spur-of-the-moment type of person, but mostly I'm safe; I don't do things I generally don't already know any of the possible outcomes. I know my consequences, the good and the bad, and I make my choices. Are they always the best decisions, maybe not. This time,

we had made the decision, but we didn't know what was going to happen. And I think because of

that, I was the most scared I've ever been.

We were prepped in a quiet birthing room. We looked around at all of the things we didn't have to worry about. They did one last ultrasound to make sure he hadn't flipped the right way over

the weekend. We also met our "team" here; the anesthesiologist, our nurse anesthetist, our

surgery nurse, and maybe some other people, but not going to lie, can't remember. And with that, they whisked us off to the operating room. Mike waited in the hall while they completely obliterated any sensation in my body. Even before I could swing my legs up onto the table, any

feeling was gone. They tied my arms down straight out from my body and got to work. And I know this all sounds crazy and kinda scary, and it was, but Mike and I were just talking today about how great our little team was. Everyone was so calm and reassuring. My doctor was fantastic, and it really was so good to see a familiar face.

Then, after some strange sensations, Mike and I just holding onto each other with our eyes, me crying the whole time, the team telling Mike to look over the curtain, and we were parents! I remember Dr. Frisch saying he was a boy, and Mike and I made eye contact again, and we instantly thought the same thing: What!?! We had been so sure we were having a girl. What would we name him? Yeah, that was our first thoughts as official parents, what will we call our first-born? My first glance of him was over under the incubator lights, and he was grey. I don't

care what they tell you, it's not normal, and my

heart stopped. But he squawked just once, and instantly started to turn pink. They let me nuzzle the little guy for about 30 seconds, then he

and Mike rolled down to the nursery, they stitched me up, and sent me to recovery.

Over the next day, we threw names around. Yup, our first born was "Baby Schroeder" for the first 24-hours of his life. It finally got to the point where we actually tried 3 different names for an hour at a time to see if they fit. But in the end, he was Milo, and it was right.

Milo Patrick, today you are a year old. You are named after great men, you are lucky to have

fantastic grandparents, aunties, uncles, and cousins, let alone loads of other people who love you, and you have a couple of first-time parents just trying to do their best. The one thing you will always have plenty of is love; can't guarantee anything else, but you will be surrounded by people who love you. Can't wait to see the boy and man you grow into...

The-Milo-bootie scoot...

So I think our kid is anti-crawling. He's doing this on his hands and knees, then pulls with his hands, and scoots his butt. Weird but effective, we leave him in one spot, and then he's across the room. I guess it's time to baby-proof :)

What do you think?

Mike, Milo, and I visited a church not too long ago, and I'm thinking maybe I'm being too critical. So I'm sending this out into the void, thinking you all could give me some perspective with your diverse backgrounds and experiences in the Christian market. Beautiful church, modern, inviting, nice people greeting, nice, easy music. Milo was approaching nap time, but sometimes when he's distracted, i.e. lots of music, people, and even some interesting lights, he does fine. So we kept him with us. He started to talk a little bit, not even fuss, just talk, but kinda loud, so I got up with him and started to leave the sanctuary. As I do so, one of the usher-type people standing near the back of the church emphatically mouths the words "thank you," with a ginormous smile.

So here's my thing: was this woman just finding a way to connect with me by shooing me out with my infant? Are they so concerned with the perfection of the performance that was taking place, that even a few baby babbles might distract from the "perfect" worship that was taking place? Where do babies fit in in God's Kingdom? And maybe I had this church's answer for that too:

As I left the sanctuary, to wander the halls outside, rocking Milo to sleep, every person who walked by tried to point me to the nursery or the mother's room. At this point, I wasn't bothering anyone, at least I didn't think I was, we were quiet, Milo was sweetly asleep in my ams, and here I could at least still hear the service and the pastor's message. Did we not fit in at all because we didn't go to our assigned spot? Am I being contrary because I didn't want to go to the mother's room or the nursery of an unfamiliar church?

I guess I know I'm being a little sensitive, but why do we have to have a spot where people have to go when they meet the specifications? I love that churches try to cover all their bases, but in doing so, are we forcing people into generic labels, not allowing the joy of the generations, of different perspectives and environments? And what happens when people aren't happy with the labels churches give them? I remember right before me and Mike got married, I was still in college, barely, Mike had just graduated, and we were trying to go to the "college and career" group at our church, but it was a majority of underclassmen, and the focus was thus on them, understandably. But when Mike and I tried to fit in elsewhere, the adult group was mostly people at least 15-20 years older than us who did not try very hard to value us because in their mind, we probably belonged in the college and career class, not in theirs.

I guess I'm just questioning the system, throwing this all out to you, whether you care or not, whether you've experienced something like this, or if your church has a better answer. I have to admit, Mike and I just moved from a church that I feel like had an answer, but now we're three states away, and I have the sneaking suspicion, they were a rare find...

Road tripping...

What do you do to keep an almost-1-year-old busy on an ungodly long roadtrip? Almost anything, but specifically give him the favorite toy from cousin Finn... Mike is convinced that the sheep is trying to get Milo to help him blow up London Bridge, but I don't know; he's just so innocent ;) (when you press the button to "call" the sheep, the phone plays "London Bridges")

Father's Day...

So a little late, but doesn't really matter in blog-world, right? Mike, Milo, and I returned to our new home after a week vacation with Mike's family in SC on Mike's first Father's Day. We got back early afternoon before Mike's first official overnight shift at the pharmacy, so we decided to keep it chill, walked to our new favorite spot, a little Irish pub a couple blocks away, had an early dinner on the patio, and just enjoyed our nuclear family.

Mike and I have both been pretty distracted recently, but let me take this small moment to give you all a few reasons why Mike is a fantastic dad:

1. Though I don't always appreciate it, he does the best "muppet" voice, and it always cracks a smile for Milo.

2. He sneaks in at night after the kid's asleep to oogle him.

3. He can manage to convince Milo to keep eating until his little belly is taunt.

4. Throwing Milo is a new favorite past-time, and it does freak me out a little, but it's a Dad's right, right?

5. Even though he's working overnights, he lets me take a nap in the morning and hangs out with the kid.

6. He loves to put Milo on his shoulders or back, with our without straps and safety harnesses.

7. He's worried that Milo loves me best.

8. He's not afraid of sh-tastrophes.

9. He tells me when I'm being overprotective or I need to let Milo cry.

10. He wants to take Milo to baseball games before Milo knows what a game or a ball is.

11. Even though he's never been a baby lover in the past, he's a Milo lover, and would and does do anything for him. I guess it is different when he's your own...

Breathing...

We're on the move again. Sorry to you faithful readers who have been sticking with us thru this hiatus. We've moved to another state, another job (for Mike), another stage in life (Meg, to exclusive mommy-time), and a new and updated blog. Going to try and keep this one going a little more diligently as I have more time, and more things of note to write about. Milo will probably be the star, as he is the most interesting right now :), so hang on, and here's a whirlwind update of who we are to date:

Mike graduated from pharmacy school with all kinds of accolades and top honors. (After his name in the graduation program, they didn't have enough room to list all the symbols to go with all the honors :) After not matching for a clinical pharmacy residency program (don't ask us, we still don't know why, but I will say he was one of a great number of students who did not match; the pharmacy residency programs are looking at the process to alleviate this problem in the very near future), he was actively wooed by several nuclear pharmacy companies before choosing one in Toledo. Mike started the last week in May, and he'll be training for the next few months, studying for his certification, and starting his life as a real-life pharmacist.

Milo is almost a year old, who knows how that happened?! He's refusing to crawl, happy to have us carry him around, but he's rolling, scooting, pulling himself to a sit, and with a couple of hands, standing and toddling around. Currently we're in Myrtle Beach with Mike's family, and Milo is loving the toddler pool. In a little floatie, he walks all over the pool, splashes, flirts with all the ladies, and tries not to fry his little tow-head :) He's doing lots of chatting, a few words, not always on purpose, and some periodic screeches. Overall, he is a great baby, lots of fun, personality growing all the time, and far too easy to a first baby...

I gave not quite 4 weeks notice at my store in Edina, worked on the Saturday that we loaded the moving truck (my mom says that was the best way to save my marriage ;), and we drove to OH the following day. I guess I don't really know how to do anything gradually, just everything all at the same time. And now, I'm a stay-at-home mom. I'll probably keep working at a Gap nearby, mostly for social implications and connections, some adult conversation, but my job will be to take care of my kid, my husband, and my home. I've never not worked, so this will be an interesting transition for me...

We moved into a great little place downtown, a converted warehouse, exposed brick, high, unfinished ceilings, a right down the road from the river, the children's science museum, and the art museum, and a block from the farmer's market. My little slice of heaven until we find a home to buy.

So as the chaos subsides, packing, unpacking, driving, vacation, driving some more, Mike starting to work overnights, setting up our home, moving furniture, moving furniture back, trying one more time, hanging pictures, moving pictures, walking to the market, learning to be a house elf, and everything else I can't think of or know of right now, I'm just breathing...