Chatting...

This is a little older, but I was just going thru some pics from when we were in Atlanta for Sam's baptism, and found this cute video...

Swinging the pendulum to another extreme...

I've now been a full-time stay-at-home mom for a full month now, sans part-time job. And I'm finding my list of projects that I've been putting off for years a little daunting, so I take baby steps. Or at least they started as baby steps, and now they're at about a gallop. Oh yeah, Milo's starting to walk. I put this in as a side note because I am convinced that he could have been walking a good couple of months ago; he just chose not too. Not that I really mind, the longer he doesn't walk, the longer he doesn't run, and the slower my life remains. I would post a video, but I've lost my camera attachment so the videos remain encased in my camera. Anyways, projects completed: two chairs and a couch covered, pillows recovered, several Christmas gifts made, lots of cooking and baking, some care packages in the works, new pants made for Milo, a flannel board expanded and added to for the munchkin's amusement, Milo's bumper (now dust-ruffle finally complete, almost 2 years later)... The list goes on.

I feel like I've been creatively constipated and now all rushes forth. I actually have a list of all the things I would like to make. I have sticky notes on my computer desktop tracking my Christmas lists, my to-do list, and recipes to try. Please don't read this the wrong way, I'm not really that talented, but I've decided to get back to my roots, if you will, pre-Gap, back to a time when I had no money and no pressure to be dressed "current." Back to "if I can make it, I should" or "I'm not going to buy something that I could make." This is both a blessing and a curse: I have been mildly successful on a few attempts, saving money and gaining personal worth when lacking the affirmation from a paycheck or a boss. But the list never ends, and just because I could make it, doesn't necessarily mean I should make it. Plus I'm now inundated with all of the things that I'm going to make. Some day. I think I'm driving Mike a little crazy. Or a lot.

I'm drowning in my own lists. How is it that I have the most time now than I've ever had before in my life, but there's still never enough time? I think I am my own worst enemy, to use another cliche. No one expects any of these things from me, in fact, I'm pretty sure Mike's not the only one who thinks I'm crazy. I think I've swung too far to the other side. It used to be that I really didn't have any time so I never could do any of these things, bake bread, sew, make a gift, but now that I have more time, I'm allowing it to swallow me.

I think I will make an early resolution: one project at a time. I want to get back into reading more again, I want to try a yoga class, I want to go to bed early and not feel like I have to finish whatever it is I might be working on or thinking about. I've read so many times about taking time for yourself, but I still have a hard time resonating with that. It sounds so selfish, so not helpful, so lazy. But I think I'm realizing that really it might be better for everyone if I just chill out a little. Stop and kick some leaves. I'm pretty sure Mike will appreciate it. I am not the energizer bunny, and I don't really want to be. Ah, now to just convince my brain of all of this.

We've created a monster...

Though I have no photographic evidence of the following, I am afraid it is true. In a moment of weakness, and in the midst of a nasty head cold, Mike and I put the movie "Cars" on for Milo a couple ofnights ago to assuage a particularly bratty moment before bed. We already knew he liked it because he stared transfixed and made car noises while watching it at Jake's house. And it worked: he settled down, even snuggled in, and sat peacefully next to our lethargic selves for a blessed few minutes before bed that night.

But now the beast has been unleashed. I realized after a few frustrating "conversations" with Milo, that "'ning" means "Lightning" aka the main character in "Cars," and he now demands that it plays most of the time, pleading "'Ning, 'Ning!" while pointing at the TV. In the beginning, not going to lie, I pretended like I didn't know what he was talking about, and truth be told, I didn't, but then even when I figured it out, I still plead ignorance. But my inadequacies in deciphering his vernacular did not bode well with my 1-year-old.

We try to keep him away from the TV, he has plenty of mind stretching toys and books, and

most of the time, he wouldn't care one way or the other if the TV was on or not. But now Pandora's box is open. What is the best balance between nerdy book but potentially socially inept kid, and over stimulated but culturally relevant kid? Eh...

In the meantime, here are some cute, pics, nothing from the past week; unfortunately I have

misplaced my camera case, and with it our attachment which allows us to download pictures from the camera, so deal with these in the meantime...

What do you do when your 1-year-old is manipulating you at 4am? Laugh...

Ah the stories of parenthood. While spending the night at Grammie and TomTom's recently, Milo and I spent a painful night. I'm fighting an annoying head cold, and he's going thru a waking up in the middle of the night thing that we're all having a tough time kicking. I think we've started a couple of bad habits with good intentions, but as my college roommate Heidi's dear Grandma Norma always used to say, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions."

He had woken up a couple times earlier, but had gone back to sleep on his own, but at about 4am, he started asking for his "bot-too" or bottle. I got up and pointed out that he had his bottle (bottle of water) in his bed, and tried to hand it too him. "No no no," he says, waving it away, "Bot-too!!" I again try and explain to him that he has his bottle. "Pleez mum pleez! Bot-too! Bot-too!" Now he's kinda crying and being overdramatic and I'm getting a little irritated. I mostly like it that he now has enough words to communicate a bit more effectively, but sometimes it also drives me a little crazy. He starts pointing to the dresser where I had left out a bottle with some formula in the bottom and a bottle of water to mix if needed. The kid recognizes that this bottle offers something far better than the bottle of water in his bed, points, and emphasizes "pleez mum pleez mum! Bot-too, BOT-TOO!!" I couldn't help it, I laughed. He's so much smarter than we give him credit for, and though this was falling right back into the habit we were trying to break, I mixed the formula, and chuckling, gave it to him. He grinned, like "finally, she got it!" and said happily, "bot-too!"

I quit...

So I started a new gmail account when we moved here, mostly because James was making fun of me for not having one so he could message with me during our at-home-parenting moments, and without really thinking about it I chose "meg on the edge." I just felt like this, maybe more than any other time in my life, was going to be a great season of change. I'm on the edge of all kinds of new things, new geography and thus new people, new role in life, new schedule, new perception of our future as a family.

And as I went into this season, almost fully knowing but not really recognizing, I've tried to hold on to things that are easy and comfortable for me, some things, like my friends in MN, my hobbies, etc, all good things. But I found I also tried to hold on part-time to my old job, but not even really my old job, a fraction of my old job in a different store, with completely different people. I put all the right labels on it, I was doing this for my social benefit, to keep me getting out of the house, for adult conversation. But I think when it came right down to it, I was scared to let go of so much of what I was familiar with, so much of what defined me for so long, even though I fought the actual job label, the people I worked with were the people I spent all my time with, the people who took care of my kid, and again, not that any of that was bad, in fact, I consider myself to have been extremely lucky to have landed where I did when I did. That job supplied me and Milo with fantastic health insurance when it was way too expensive to be on Mike's. Again, I met some dear, dear kindred spirits who I will always carry with me as my friends and extended family. And a steady paycheck and benefits while we were paying out for Mike to be in school.

And now I don't need those things. Or at least, I don't need them to be supplied by my employer. I've been working, fighting to work, at one of the stores here, not connecting with any of the leadership on staff, and feeling really under-appreciated, even unwanted, most of the time I was there. I realized that I didn't have to and don't want to be there anymore. And I quit. I have never not worked, since I was 15 years old, I have had some sort of job or other, and I find myself a little lost, but feeling so totally free all at the same time. My last day is Saturday, and I'm already looking forward for that day to be over. That's got to be a good sign. I'm reaching out to a few connections I've made here for my social life, so I'm not desolate there, in fact I feel really good about the handful of people who I think will grow into friends. I'm doing some training next week for some volunteer opportunities, and Milo and I are finding all kinds of things to keep us out of trouble. Mike and I have joined a gym with a daycare so I can get out of the house and even drop Milo off if I need to for some alone time. I think we're covering all my bases.

I still feel like I'm on the edge, facing this slightly scary precipice, not knowing what I will find below, but I feel like I'm finally making the right decisions. I think it was important for me to work here so that now I can feel like I don't have to work here; this has all been part of the journey, but now I let go of almost everything familiar, and Mike, Milo, and I really make a go of this "real" life.

Little ones air show...

So I signed up for this online mommy's group (thanks James!),and they've had some fun stuff posted for families to do. This past weekend, Milo, Mike and I ventured into Michigan to this air show of all remote control planesand helicopters. If we haven't told you thisrecently, Milo's kinda big into planes, so this was pretty awesome. And it was an eventpurely for little kids, so yeah, the big boys were there flying theplanes, but doing all kinds of fun tricks, and they had all the planes lined up most of the time for people to look at. One guy, as I was trying to get some pictures that Milo might dig on his wall, even pulled his plane back out of his truck for us to oogle and take pictures of.

It was pretty windy and chilly, and it rained a little bit, but it was well worth it! Milo spent most of the time saying, "plane, plane, plane...?" And I'm not sure if he would admit it, but I happen to know that Mike kind of loved it

too. He was kinda bummed that we didn't s

tay long enough to see the double engine plane go up :)

This week the mommy site has a pumpkin patch/corn maze outing. And I think we'll have to check it out!

The Toledo Zoo...

So Mike's boss got us a family pass to the zoo as a welcome gift, and Milo and I have already been 3 times. I love having the pass because I don't feel bad about going just the two of us, I don't feel bad about only going for a little bit, and I'm loving watching how Milo is actually seeing and recognizing some of the animals :) Plus, it's great for me. The Toledo Zooapparently is quite impressive for the size town. Couple of the animals we saw on this trip...

The polar bears in the water are a little tricky to see, but it's a mama and her cub, born earlier this year. Siku, the cub, is a huge draw to the zoo these days, and we haven't gotten to see her yet because it's always been so busy around her, and she always seems to be back in her little cave area. This time though, we went after everyone

was back in school, and it was a beautiful afternoon, so they were diving and playing and wrestling! And there was hardly anyone there. Perfect, times this those when Iso love being at home so that we can take advantage of that kind of thing.

Same deal with the tiger too, I've never seen them up and around, but this

one was all over his lengthy enclosure,and because there was no one else there,Milo and I just watched him from feet away for quite a while. And yes, Milo knows that tigers "roaar!"

We also took a ride on the carousel, which again, we were all alone! The nice older gentleman

let us pick an animal (gorilla, 'cus Milo has a thing for monkeys and it's a little tricky at this point to try and explain the difference between a monkey and an ape) and then took us for our own private

ride. Milo loved it and said "weeee!" I guess that's a good thing because our host said that many kids his age are scared.

I know this seems like such a silly thing, this whole zoo adventure, but as Milo gets older, I'm

realizing how cool this opportunity to be at home with him really is. We can take our own field trips and outings whenever we want to wherever we want. Makes me want to find some other kids who have to be in daycare, and take them with us. Maybe we will...

Things Milo would like you to know...

In the attempt to not only keep all you informed, but try to make this a reasonable journal for Milo to look back on in his later days, here's a list of some of the things he deems important to discuss, aka his first words, in no particular order, and probably forgetting a few...

bow-wow (after some discussion with the Gilbertsons, I'm thinking this was his first intentional word)

cat

bot-too (bottle)

la la lo lo (bed/rest time)

cars

truck

choo-choo

down (usually meaning both up and down, sometimes confusing)

plane (often "plane-ay," not sure why, but ask the book club ladies, it's hliarious)

blocks (very carefully articulated, "ba-lah-ks," like if he could articulate the c and the k, he would)

bonk

mo (more)

plees (please)

monk (monkey, green monkey or black mommy and baby gorilla)

tars (stars, recent favorite, and he's surprisingly good at identifying them)

lights (loves, loves, loves lights, any and all, lights that are stars are the best!)

cup

hi

he-llo

mine (grrrr.... where did he even learn this?)

no

hey

book

ball

bath

duck

bo (boat)

bye

dad (sometimes even "bye-bye dad," he even did this with shockingly good timing as I was saying goodbye to Mike on the phone while in MN)

ma-ma-ma-ma (usually associated with whining, again, grrrr...)

ball

shoes (after Nana bought him his first pair of shoes, sometimes it's "two shoes," though not really sure if that's on purpose...)

nose

ears

eyes (loves to pull your eyelids after saying this, you've been warned)

mou (mouth)

cheeeeese (Mike said he said "cheeese, plees" the other day)

joos (juice)

poops (when asked, do you have poops?)

And he also does a myriad of animal sounds when asked including but not limited to mahw (more closely to a Siamese's guttural meow that a typically sweet meow), moo, bah, nay, twee twee (birds), meh (goat), qua qua qua (duck), raaaar (lion), and maybe others that I'm not thinking of. Then, of course, car and truck noises, beep-beep, bbbrrrrrr (trilling lips together), ah boom (associated with crashing or bumping into something), choo choo, more in a tooting way, not a statement as in identification. He even tried chugga chugga chugga the other day when playing with his trains. Didn't exactly sound like that, but don't worry Grandpa Al, we'll get it right.

**Mike Edit**

Other words:

Whee!

Yay! (usually with clapping hands)

Ba-loo (balloon)

Walk

Rocky-Rocky (when sitting in chair that rocks)

Bath

it-ties (kitties...sometimes he gets the k in there)

dink (drink)

Pow (all done)

Milo, Milo, Milo! (he likes to chant his name)

I've been also trying to teach him that his bathtime walrus says "galomph, galomph." :)

First blood...

Well, blood has been drawn in this battle to walk. We've had too many bruises for me to admit, mostly because they've most often occurred on his head and I always worry that someone will think the obvious; what can I say, the kid's got a ginourmous head, and he leads with it. The other day, Milo, walking alongside the coffee table, tottered a little off-balance, sat a little too quickly, clipped his chin, and bit his lip. You all would be so proud though, I didn't freak out, I remained calm, we chatted about what happened, he cried, we drank some water, tried some ice, I tried to look at his mouth, which was not happening, so we pulled ourselves together and moved on. Not bad, right?

Off subject, but here's Milo with my MN Book Club gals. They moved the schedule around so that I could be there when I was back for Karen's wedding. So blonde is Lynda, brunette is Kara, red-head is Polly. Then the picture with all our kids, two boys are Conner and Gavin, Polly's guys, and the girl is Alex, Kara's daughter. So cool to get all our kids together!

The Great Road Trip, part 2: From the Twin Cities to the Twin Ports...

Ah, the adventure continues... Post-Karen's wedding, Mike, Kristi, Jason, Collin, Karen and Bill all dispersed, leaving Larry, Steph, me and Milo to contend with the empty house. Partly to get out of their hair, partly to take advantage of proximity, Milo and I headed north to Duluth, Mike and I's home for almost 4 years while he was in grad school, pre-pharmacy school.

We departed just before nap time Tuesday afternoon, barely made it out of the cities before Milo got a little sassy, and I was in need of some caffeine, so I decided, in the essence of my mom this time, to swing thru the outlets. One iced latte and $30

later, we left with 2 new polos for Dad, 2 new dresses and a pair of sandals for Mom, and a new hoodie for Milo, since in true Minnesota fashion, the temperature had drop about 20 degrees in about 12 hours.

Back on the road, Milo fell asleep, and I started a new book on CD. I called my friend Kristin as we approached the Twin Ports area (Duluth, MN & Superior, WI), and we agreed on a picnic of

subs in a park with slides and swings for Milo. Great to catch up with another one of my "little chickens" from the days with the youth group. We laughed and caught up, eating and pushing Milo on the swings, until he reached his limit about 30 minutes past his bedtime. We dropped Kristin at home, with plans to grab a quick coffee in the morning so I could meet her guy before

they headed down to the cities.

We pulled into Knuths driveway (see early posts re: living in the RV in their backyard :) about

1.5 hours post-Milo-bedtime. He had fallen asleep in the car, but what can I say, he's a champ and turned on all the charm for Mike and Kim Knuth. And they are such gracious hosts; they

make me feel like I am doing them a favor by

inviting myself over to impose on their

beautifully quiet sanctuary! We chatted, caught up on life, watched Milo scoot around and harass Oreo, their little dog, and turned into bed shortly thereafter. Milo and I slept until about 7, missing the departure of our hosts but enjoying a gorgeous morning on their back deck with

a breakfast of Mike's coffee and Kim's muffins made with wild blueberries picked on their

vacation!, and headed to Canal Park where we walked along the canal, drank coffee, and chatted once more with Kristin and met Zach, a very friendly and polite young man who knew well enough to sass me just enough.

Milo, being about negative 2 hours of sleep from the night before, and about an hour late for

his morning nap, was in need of reprieve, and I was looking for an excuse to drive up the shore, so we hit the

scenic highway towards Two Harbors. We didn't make it all the way, but he got a good hour nap in before we grabbed lunch and headed to

west Duluth to see Svobodas. Jen and Eric are one of those rare couples where we wives like each other at least as much as our husbands do, and now, as we add kids to the mix, it's fun to see them play and interact with each other. Zeb and Jayven took Milo under their wings, sharing their trucks with him, playing with him on the swings at the park, digging holes in the sand for him to sit in, they were great. All too soon, Milo and I needed to hit the road once more. We said goodbye to our buddies and hit the road, thinking a short nap could hold the munchkin over...

I was on the way to my friend Amanda's house when I realized I had to stop by and visit the flower ladies. The women at Dunbar Floral were my stand-in family when we lived in Duluth, letting me and Mike in on kids' hockey games, graduation parties, and life in the family business in general. They also taught me almost everything I know when it comes to floral design. And they have not yet met the kid... We walked in the door, and Sandy (sister-in-law) says, "well I'll be darned!" and Sherri (owner) walks up to where the light from the front

door no longer blinds her, and starts to tear up. Sherri's not one to cry, don't get me wrong, she can be a big softy, but I never thought just introducing my son would bring tears. She explains that just that day she had found out that a dear friend had past away suddenly in her sleep at 47 years old, and that Milo and I couldn't have picked a better day to stop by. They oogle Milo, showering him with a new stuff lizard selected from the shelf on the salesfloor and a balloon with Simba on it. That's another amazing thing about these gals: their generosity. They would never hesitate to give anything and everything they could, especially to a flirtatious 1-year old, giddy with lack of sleep.

After many hugs, we departed the flower shop, heading to our old neighborhood, where ironically, Amanda bought a house less than a block away from our old house. And the house is fantastic! Amanda and I are kindred spirits; we have such similar tastes, that I realized as I walked into her house, it felt like walking into the best version on my own home. She picks out things from the same stores that I would pick from and uses them like I would, actually better. After meandering thru her new pad, we packed Milo in the backpack and walked a little ways down the road to a little cafe and laughed and ate and remembered and just loved on each other. She's that kind of friend. All too soon it was once again past Milo's bedtime, and though he was being a real champ, I could tell that the short morning nap and the total obliteration of his afternoon nap was paying a toll. We said goodbye to Amanda and headed back to Knuths.

Kim was waiting for us, and this heavenly aroma oozed out of the house as she had just baked coffee cake for us for the next morning. We packed Milo off to bed, and she and I sat at her

dining room table, organizing her final project as a high school mom. She's responsible for all the sweatshirt orders this one last time as her youngest graduated. She made patient calls trying to explain that you can have either a red or a black sweatshirt, not a red and black sweatshirt, or that really, your son probably doesn't want the girls style of sweatpant because it really is a girl's style of sweatpant ;) and trying to be somewhat helpful, I stamped checks and filled out deposit forms. All too soon, we too went to bed. We shared the delicious coffee cake in the morning, and Kim too loved on my kid. A little before nap time, we packed up and hit the road once more. Milo fell asleep before we hit Martin Road and slept until we got into Minneapolis, poor little guy. Only about 36 hours, but lots of catching up.

Where did we find these friends? These fantastic people who love us and our kid, even when we don't see them for over a year? Who give and give to us, when we feel so undeserving? And how in the world do you thank people like that? How do you thank someone for being good for your soul?

I am my father's daughter...

I find myself saying this more and more these days, actually both ways; I think I am an excellent conglomeration of both my parents. But I think my dad in my comes out in more extreme ways. Case in point: ridiculous road trips at crazy hours and times. We shall call this "The Great Road Trip, Part 1: Fellowship of the Wedding Rings."

Before we moved to Toledo, Mike's sister Karen (see below) got engaged, set her date, so we started planning the trip. Shortly thereafter I was approached by another gal, friend of a sister-in-law of a friend (did both of their weddings the past two years consecutively, and if you can follow that, you need more help than I do :) who wanted me to do flowers for her wedding this Saturday after Karen's wedding. Being me, and all that that entails, I figured, sure, I'll be in town, why not just extend our trip.

Then we moved, then we traveled all summer, then the countdown began, and I started the process of organizing, listing, and packing for me, my 1-year-old son, and for my flowershop-on-wheels-traveling-across-5-states. I have a miniature 3-subject notebook committed to this trip. The first section for Karen's wedding, the second for Melissa's, the third for what we will need as a family. Oh, and I thought it would be a great idea to plan a little get-together with a bunch of our MN friends to join us for a couple of pints at a couple of pubs downtown the night Mike flew in, so I had him pack all his stuff early too so he could just take the train down and join me.

Okay, so got all my lists organized, started packing, checking things off, finding what I needed out of the boxes of flower supplies, checked my email to realize I had not thought to ask off for that Monday night that Milo and I were supposed to leave. No big deal, I'm not usually scheduled passed 9. But of course this would be the one night that I would be scheduled until 10:30, and not get out of there until almost 11. I had the car all packed, got a great deal on a hotel room west of Chicago to break up the trip for Milo and me. I drove the wagon to work that night, and Mike put Milo to bed, then got him into the car a few hours later, met me at work so I could hit the road from there.

Fortunately, my angelic son fell back asleep before I even hit the highway, I popped in a book-on-CD, and we made tracks. Got to Chi-town by about 2:30am central time, found our fantastic little hotel (ask me about it sometime, I'm sold on this place), checked in, Milo made friends with the front desk guy, made it up to our room where there was supposed to be a crib, there wasn't, but instead I found Lake Minnetonka reincarnate on our floor. I called my new friend at the front desk, he shuffled around for a minute or two, offered to come get my non-existant crib, apologized profusely when I told him it wasn't there, and got me into another room in less than 5 minutes. King-sized bed, so I figured Milo and I could share. Set up a little cove with pillow walls so he couldn't roll out, and we settled in. Oh yeah, forgot to tell you, the little guy had been sick, to the doctor a couple of times with inconclusive symptoms, just enough to give him a good fever and make him pretty uncomfortable. So we got about 4 hours of highly disturbed sleep. Got up, grabbed breakfast at a fantastic greasy spoon down the way, and we hit the road again.

Milo fell asleep almost immediately again, and probably slept another 2-3 hours. Great for him, and really, great for me as the driver, but after not getting hardly any sleep the night before, I was highly envious. We drove, and when he woke, we chatted. He knows lots of animal sounds now, and right when he was starting to get cranky, and I didn't really have anything to offer him, out fell "Milo what does you monkey say? (lime-green stuffed monkey from Grammie)" Milo pauses, waiting... "Hi-yah!" Laughter erupts from the backseat. Repeat. Never seemed to get old, who knows why I thought of that, and even more, why he thought that was funny, but it worked. Got us to a rest area, used the facilities, which by the way, how do any of you women use the bathroom and control a non-walking/standing toddler-type? Just something to get you thinking... I found a careful balancing act worked quite effectively. Set out a blanket and we had a picnic under growing dark clouds. Milo scooted around, ate some fruit and yogurt and crackers, pretty good for a sickly kid, and we were off once more.

We did finally arrive at our destination, and I would say the trip here to MN was a great success. And I've only continued to push the envelope of my child's patience in the car through the past week, but that's for another time, and another section of the saga... "The Great Road Trip, part 2: From the Twin Cities to the Twin Ports..."

Karen's wedding...

Mike's sister Karen got married on Saturday!! It was a beautiful outdoor wedding, gorgeous weather, gorgeous people, and love was in the air!! Not gonna lie, I'm kinda tired, so I'm not writing much here now, but here are some pictures of this much anticipated and amazing event:

Sea life...

While in Atlanta on our McGrail family vacation, Mandy, Grandpa Tom-Tom, Jake, Finn, Henry, Milo and I all took a jaunt to the aquarium. Holy moley, I've been on some great aquatic adventures, but this one may have taken the cake. Maybe it was all the place had to offer, maybe it was the excitement and awe in the 2-4 year olds, but this was pretty grand! We saw sharks, whale sharks! beluga whales, penguins, otters, bagillions of fish, seahorses, seadragons, crabs, lobsters, you name it, it swam, we saw it! In this shot, Mandy and the boys are on a moving walk way watching the fish and sharks swim above them. You can see one of the whale sharks over Mandy's head...

We even pet stingrays, sharks, shrimp, and horseshoe crabs! Here's Mandy, Jake and Finn petting a stingray! It cost a bit to get us all in, but thanks to Mandy's membership, we made it happen, and it was well worth it!

Complete family pics...

The first time our entire family has been together in a picture since the Christmas after Finn was born 3 1/2 years ago. Pretty great...

Next step in the profession...

So Mike's getting paid to take a course at Purdue. And it's basically review of everything that he's learned thus far. Apparently his boss is a pretty good teacher, and Mike's pretty good at learning from training videos because this course has been fairly simple for him. But it means a weeks paid stay at a nice hotel in West Lafayette, IN which is actually a really cute area. Milo and I decided to come and stay, since we don't really have anything pressing on our schedule :) We're right across the street from a beautiful park and bridge over the river and into Lafayette where there are cute shops and coffee shops and cafes and a delicious Italian restaurant. So we're here, reading, working on Milo's baby book, going for walks, swinging at the park, looking at books at Border's across the way, taking naps, just chillin', waiting for Dad to come home... Sounds like our life most of the time, actually...

Life with cats...

For the most part, our cats seem disinterested in Milo. They are neither pleased nor annoyed by his presence. But as Milo gets a little stronger, a little bigger, and a little more assertive, I wonder how much they will put up with. Fortunately, I think we have the best cats for little kids; in terms of their fight or flight nature, they definitely go for flight. And even when they are cornered, or in this case try to take the "don't move and maybe he'll go away" technique, they are declawed and might nibble, but don't bite. The funny thing about this one is that Charlie just doesn't move; he's got plenty of opportunity to flee, I even encouraged him to do so, but he kept coming back. Glutton for punishment. The other thing that you probably can't see in this video is that Charlie is molting profusely. This is beyond mere shedding: when he finally did get off my lap, there was about as much fur there as was still on his being. I would feel bad for them, but like I said, they kind of encourage it!

Frustrations...

Milo seems to be on the cusp of walking. Or at least standing unassisted. He pulled himself up in the bathtub last night, little scary; seriously, kid, couldn't think of a safer place to do this for the first time? And today, I'm in our kitchen that overlooks our living room, he's chasing Sally around, and then all of a sudden he's pulled himself up on our wingback chair, which is fantastic and exciting, but also inches from our coffee table with metal protruding legs. Oiy.

He's loving this, but also super cranky as he does new things and finds all kinds of new limitations. It's like learning to drive, but then you realize you have to pay for gas and give people rides; great new freedom and more things to limit you all at the same time. Plus, he's getting a little better with communication, some words, a few signs, but again, same deal here. He can get a few things across, but not everything, and I think he's annoyed with us that we're not reading his mind.

And this brings new frustrations for me too. I want to help him, support him, but I want him to figure stuff out. I want him to stand and walk, though I perfectly happy with him just scooting, much easier to keep track of him, but I don't want to deal with the tears, bruises, and scrapes that come with the falling. Where is that balance of being a supportive mom, without being overbearing and overprotective? I'm sure all you experienced parents out there read this and laugh: oh silly mommy! But don't forget, I'm new at this, and now I'm in a new place too with not many people to talk to, let alone people in similar places in life. Milo and I are making new friends, it just takes some time. So in the meantime, you all will be my sounding board for the time being...

Lazy Sunday... sort of...

Life as a mom, wife, and housekeeper has started to lose a little of its shiny newness. It's one our first weekends home together, just the 3 of us, and Mike and I are at each other's throats, and I'm not exactly sure why. I think we're transitioning into our new roles, and like any transition, it's not always so smooth. He slept in yesterday, so I slept in today, which bugs me because I really want to go check out a couple of churches, but somehow I couldn't haul myself out from under my sleep cave. That makes me feel guilty, so I pick a fight with Mike while I clean up after him. We need neutral ground, so we decide on brunch and the park. Nice breakfast, beautiful hot afternoon of swinging and a walk in the not-quite-cool shade of the woods. Until I pick another fight. Granted, I think I have valid points, and I think we should be talking more, but somehow I'm nagging and he's defensive. Typical of marriage in general, neither of us is really right or wrong, but we're not seeing eye-to-eye. I'm sure it will pass, but in the meantime, we've retreated to our respective corners. Don't really want any advice, not in the mood for it. In fact, hoping Mike doesn't see this post as another picking of a fight. Sometimes I just need to put my real face on.

It's all fun and games until...

One year ago today...

It's Milo's first birthday, and yeah, he's grown a ton, and he's doing all kinds of fun things, but in this moment, for his and my benefit while it's still fairly fresh, I'd like to share with my son what Mike and me went thru and were thinking the day he was born. And why we couldn't be happier to be celebrating his first year with him.

We woke up early. It was Monday, and we had the first appointment. Inspired by Kate's beautiful post-birth pictures, I even did my hair and some make-up. We drove to Abbott Northwestern Hospital, parked in the ramp. We had been instructed to leave our stuff in the car because we'd be

moved around a little bit before we got in our own room. I was scared, and I found out later, Mike was too. He was scared for me and because he worried he wasn't ready to be a dad. I was scared. Scared of being a mom, scared of going in for my first major surgery, scared of everything that was going to follow. We knew that our lives were about to change, but there's nothing like scheduling it. It was nice because there were no surprises, but at the same time, we counted the hours and minutes leading up to it.

I can't explain what it's like being a parent, and no one really could to me either, and I think that's part of what I was scared of too: this, the biggest, most life-changing thing Mike and I

would ever do, but we weren't going to know what it was all about until it was happening. All I knew was that it is the best and hardest thing the people I love and trust have ever done. I

consider myself a spur-of-the-moment type of person, but mostly I'm safe; I don't do things I generally don't already know any of the possible outcomes. I know my consequences, the good and the bad, and I make my choices. Are they always the best decisions, maybe not. This time,

we had made the decision, but we didn't know what was going to happen. And I think because of

that, I was the most scared I've ever been.

We were prepped in a quiet birthing room. We looked around at all of the things we didn't have to worry about. They did one last ultrasound to make sure he hadn't flipped the right way over

the weekend. We also met our "team" here; the anesthesiologist, our nurse anesthetist, our

surgery nurse, and maybe some other people, but not going to lie, can't remember. And with that, they whisked us off to the operating room. Mike waited in the hall while they completely obliterated any sensation in my body. Even before I could swing my legs up onto the table, any

feeling was gone. They tied my arms down straight out from my body and got to work. And I know this all sounds crazy and kinda scary, and it was, but Mike and I were just talking today about how great our little team was. Everyone was so calm and reassuring. My doctor was fantastic, and it really was so good to see a familiar face.

Then, after some strange sensations, Mike and I just holding onto each other with our eyes, me crying the whole time, the team telling Mike to look over the curtain, and we were parents! I remember Dr. Frisch saying he was a boy, and Mike and I made eye contact again, and we instantly thought the same thing: What!?! We had been so sure we were having a girl. What would we name him? Yeah, that was our first thoughts as official parents, what will we call our first-born? My first glance of him was over under the incubator lights, and he was grey. I don't

care what they tell you, it's not normal, and my

heart stopped. But he squawked just once, and instantly started to turn pink. They let me nuzzle the little guy for about 30 seconds, then he

and Mike rolled down to the nursery, they stitched me up, and sent me to recovery.

Over the next day, we threw names around. Yup, our first born was "Baby Schroeder" for the first 24-hours of his life. It finally got to the point where we actually tried 3 different names for an hour at a time to see if they fit. But in the end, he was Milo, and it was right.

Milo Patrick, today you are a year old. You are named after great men, you are lucky to have

fantastic grandparents, aunties, uncles, and cousins, let alone loads of other people who love you, and you have a couple of first-time parents just trying to do their best. The one thing you will always have plenty of is love; can't guarantee anything else, but you will be surrounded by people who love you. Can't wait to see the boy and man you grow into...