One year ago today...

It's Milo's first birthday, and yeah, he's grown a ton, and he's doing all kinds of fun things, but in this moment, for his and my benefit while it's still fairly fresh, I'd like to share with my son what Mike and me went thru and were thinking the day he was born. And why we couldn't be happier to be celebrating his first year with him.

We woke up early. It was Monday, and we had the first appointment. Inspired by Kate's beautiful post-birth pictures, I even did my hair and some make-up. We drove to Abbott Northwestern Hospital, parked in the ramp. We had been instructed to leave our stuff in the car because we'd be

moved around a little bit before we got in our own room. I was scared, and I found out later, Mike was too. He was scared for me and because he worried he wasn't ready to be a dad. I was scared. Scared of being a mom, scared of going in for my first major surgery, scared of everything that was going to follow. We knew that our lives were about to change, but there's nothing like scheduling it. It was nice because there were no surprises, but at the same time, we counted the hours and minutes leading up to it.

I can't explain what it's like being a parent, and no one really could to me either, and I think that's part of what I was scared of too: this, the biggest, most life-changing thing Mike and I

would ever do, but we weren't going to know what it was all about until it was happening. All I knew was that it is the best and hardest thing the people I love and trust have ever done. I

consider myself a spur-of-the-moment type of person, but mostly I'm safe; I don't do things I generally don't already know any of the possible outcomes. I know my consequences, the good and the bad, and I make my choices. Are they always the best decisions, maybe not. This time,

we had made the decision, but we didn't know what was going to happen. And I think because of

that, I was the most scared I've ever been.

We were prepped in a quiet birthing room. We looked around at all of the things we didn't have to worry about. They did one last ultrasound to make sure he hadn't flipped the right way over

the weekend. We also met our "team" here; the anesthesiologist, our nurse anesthetist, our

surgery nurse, and maybe some other people, but not going to lie, can't remember. And with that, they whisked us off to the operating room. Mike waited in the hall while they completely obliterated any sensation in my body. Even before I could swing my legs up onto the table, any

feeling was gone. They tied my arms down straight out from my body and got to work. And I know this all sounds crazy and kinda scary, and it was, but Mike and I were just talking today about how great our little team was. Everyone was so calm and reassuring. My doctor was fantastic, and it really was so good to see a familiar face.

Then, after some strange sensations, Mike and I just holding onto each other with our eyes, me crying the whole time, the team telling Mike to look over the curtain, and we were parents! I remember Dr. Frisch saying he was a boy, and Mike and I made eye contact again, and we instantly thought the same thing: What!?! We had been so sure we were having a girl. What would we name him? Yeah, that was our first thoughts as official parents, what will we call our first-born? My first glance of him was over under the incubator lights, and he was grey. I don't

care what they tell you, it's not normal, and my

heart stopped. But he squawked just once, and instantly started to turn pink. They let me nuzzle the little guy for about 30 seconds, then he

and Mike rolled down to the nursery, they stitched me up, and sent me to recovery.

Over the next day, we threw names around. Yup, our first born was "Baby Schroeder" for the first 24-hours of his life. It finally got to the point where we actually tried 3 different names for an hour at a time to see if they fit. But in the end, he was Milo, and it was right.

Milo Patrick, today you are a year old. You are named after great men, you are lucky to have

fantastic grandparents, aunties, uncles, and cousins, let alone loads of other people who love you, and you have a couple of first-time parents just trying to do their best. The one thing you will always have plenty of is love; can't guarantee anything else, but you will be surrounded by people who love you. Can't wait to see the boy and man you grow into...