Merry Christmas Everyone...

Cleaning house... And cat...

So after that deep and thoughful post, thought you all might enjoy seeing one of Linus' favorite past times: being vacuumed. Thought Sarah Knuth might enjoy this especially in that she and Kim are coming for a little visit and Sarah is allergic to our little angels. We do really try to get up all the cat hair in preparation to your visit, even that which is still attached to the cat...

Sally and Linus are funny this way: Sally, v. typical of cats, runs and hides when the vaccum roars. Linus on the other hand, runs and finds the vacuum; he even likes to have his ears, tail, and the top of his head sucked.

Mind the Gap...

Sorry about my delay in ramblings. Been kinda hard to get up and dust myself off. Working thru a bit these days. The change in job, yes, still working on easing into my new habitat in St. Paul. And if I might be perfectly honest with all of you, since I hide nothing from you anyways, I think I'm a bit depressed. I've always stuggled with anxiety, or at least thru most of my adult life thus far, and the symptoms of anxiety and depression overlap a bit. I've been in to see a doctor regularly this fall, and he calls it "acute reaction to stress." I guess this makes sense. So if I seem a little blah or a bit more teary than normal, if that's possible, please stick with me; walk with me as I mind this gap in emotional stability.

I like this term, mind the gap. Originated I believe in the tube stations in England to remind people to watch their step. Helpful in several instances. Helps that I like the play on words with my employer as well, but separate from that. This phrase is useful in witty situations like when someone misses a step and trips, or when Linus reaches a little too far to clean his back and falls off the couch. Mind the gap. Or when it takes noticable time between when a person is exposed to an idea and when they actually get it. Mind the gap. Or when we plateau in life, between valleys or mountains. Mind the gap. In all these instances, I think we must take this expression at face value. Notice the space inbetween places. This too is a place where you might find yourself. Notice the gap. Take heed and mind the gap.

What's happened...?

I hate that this blog might be the way I have to tell some of you this, and yet at the same time, I don't quite feel up to the conversations that I have to have with each of you. I want you to hear this from me, but don't yet know what to say. I've left Praying Pelican Missions. I love what they do, who they represent, and the many friends, brothers, and sisters that we've met thru them, both here in the States and in Belize. But for reasons still not entirely understood, I've stopped working for them. I pray that God will continue to grant them success in open doors to new trips and new connections and lives touched both in participants and villages and communities in Belize. Though some of our most challenging times as a couple, Mike and I will both desparately miss our time spent and people loved this past summer. I've thought about changing our blogsite, but I'm not quite ready for that, so keep M & M'ing with us, even though we're not in, and probably won't be going back to Belize. The lovely Marin, famous for her upstairs diner on Caye Caulker taught me a few sayings this summer. There's a saying in creole, the more native "English" they speak in Belize, that Marin taught me that says "sea breeze blow pilikin same place 'e wan' go," which literally means "the sea breeze will blow the pelican to the place he wants to go to." Mike and I are riding this breeze, we don't yet know where it will take us, just that it's where we want to go.

Reunion...

The Belizean Bathroom...

By popular demand, I've been telling some of you about my plans for my Belizean Bathroom, and I'm pleased to say that it's completed! I collected a couple of items on my travels in Central America, printed a couple of pictures, and voila! The color is "azure afternoon," I always like color names. And this one seemed very appropriate, does remind me of a few afternoon skies in Belize. The shower curain is a sarong with little yellow geckoes all over it; the pictures are of some beautiful scenes Mike and I saw, a sunrise, a sunset, a waterfall in the jungle over the entrance to St. Herman's Cave, some bougainvilla (what's all over Anaheim BJ), and three sisters and a brother from Valley Community. And the hooks by the sink are from the Toucan Gift Shop on Caye Caulker. Come see
it in person! Mike says it's the best looking room in our apartment, that's kinda sad, I know, but it's the only place I was brave enough to paint in our apartment. And Sally really likes to wreck the TP for some reason, only in that bathroom... Crazy cat.

BJ, 'Nell, Me, & Tati

Departing for CA with BJ...

I told you once a few weeks or months ago that I would dedicate an entire entry to Ms. Brittney Johnson, and I figure as I'm about to spend a very long and busy weekend with her at a conference in Anaheim, that maybe I should do that now. Brittney, known to a few of us too lazy to say her whole name, as BJ, or even shorter when I'm really lazy, "Beej." She is a twin, to brother Brandon, and lives near Dallas, TX.


BJ came dramatically into life as I know it in April of this year. She was working in international sales, traveling the world in a job she did not particularly love. A friend emailed her a link to Praying Pelicans, and she contacted Jason looking for a job. And a few short weeks later, she was of course hired; how could we possibly pass up such a gem? (Here she is putting up with Linus' schenanagens, trying to sleep across her laptop...)

I spent little time with her before we all left for Belize, but knew I was going to like her. And was convinced beyond any doubt the first week in Belize. That week in Crooked Tree, I saw a woman brave enough to take on the world, literally; soft-spoken to be extremely effective and sweet to our beautifully gentle hostesses that week, Hilda and Hesse; strong enough to stand firm in leadership and in unfamiliar territory; fun-loving to play soccer, basketball, and handgames with gorgeous children; and tenacious to jump boldly into a position and organization she was still learning about.


I'm so excited to spend a few precious days with my Texan counterpart, my sweet sister in Christ, my colleague and co-conspiritor in missions, and my friend!

By the power of Grey Skull...

Way to go, Mandy; Mike was He-man for a retreat thing he went on with his pharmacy frat for early Halloween excitement. They had to dress as their favorite '80's cartoon character. Sorry about the delay in posting after the hints, Mike didn't take our camera, and it took him a little while to get a picture from someone else, but here he is in all his glory with Rainbow Brite:

Note his great pecs, huge biceps, and thunder thighs. I'm quite proud of this costume, esp. since it was last minute. Mike's a pretty good sport too. I guess he had gone down to the gathering, there weren't too many people out and about, and he had two tests that Monday he got back, so he went back to his room to study. An hour or so later, one of the guys he went with calls him and says, "By the power of Grey Skull, get down here He-man!" Took him about a half an hour to get back into his get-up, but he had a great time, and everyone was pretty impressed; a couple of other guys had wanted to do He-man but didn't because they couldn't figure out how to do it. This is what ex-RA's and artistically deprived chemists do... I still say he should've worn something that says "I love She-Rah!"

The winter cometh...

As I look out my window from my home-office, the trees are bare, or almost bare. A few stubborn remnants, dried and wilted cling to the skeletons. The temps are dropping, we've had snow, with little or no accululation, some sleet stuff a couple of days ago. The seasons are changing, inside and out.

I've found some of my fall decorations, with warm oranges, deep reds, golden yellows, but they already seem outdated; fall stays only a few days, maybe a week or two in MN. One of the things that's hard about living here: the inbetween seasons are short. But it's inside me where I feel the cold.

I wrote not too long ago about a season I am going thru, this season of change. I know deep down there is the hope in the light, the warmth and the inclusion of being in the light. But today, with the gray, drab, lifeless clouds in the sky completely obliterating the sun, I feel cold and alone.

I wrote that I hit a bit of a wall last week, and over the weekend, I climbed the wall and jumped down to the other side and into follow-up work with the many contacts I've made over the past month and a half. Calling, emailing, trying to work something up, and I've had some good conversations. And today, I hit another wall. I wonder if after the more emotional one last week, I've found a spiritual one today.

Yesterday our power went out; we heard that "someone hit something" in one of the nearby neighborhoods. We still don't know if they hit an underground wire, a pole, who knows, but our power was out most of late yesterday, and it didn't come back on until about 11 last night. Definitely slows down my after-hours emailing, etc. So Mike and I ran out to his parents' hung out with his dad for a bit and dropped off a treadmill, grainmill, and a couple of kegs, empty, to Larry's great disappointment. This morning I got up, ready to hit my computer hard. The internet's working, great; get on to my Outlook where my email goes in and out of, and mysteriously, overnight, it's no longer functioning. Mike and I bicker as he gets ready to leave this weekend, and I'm desperately trying to get my work life back online, literally. My spirit is cold with disappointment and frustration.

I know the light is there, I know that winter is not all bad, but I still feel it's ominous and inevitable approach in so many different ways.

Grrrrrrrranimals...

Don't know where I got that word, but it feels good to say when I'm irritated or frustrated or just discontented. I just found out that I officially did not get a sale I've been working on for about a month and a half. One of my first really good leads. And I feel like I did everything right; had a great meeting with the pastor, followed up well, but not being too annoying; the pastor even seemed to feel badly about saying no. He said he appreciated my heart for ministry and could tell I had an genuine heart for God and missions. But it just didn't come thru. I'm not looking for a pitty party, so don't worry about sending condolences. I'm just bummed. Grrrrranimals... I think I'll go find some chocolate...

Hey, our buddy Eric (see link on side of this page to the Svoblogger, I think...) found a neat clip from a Dove campaign. Check it out. I don't know how to do the fancy linking thing, so just go to his blog and connect to it.

Guess Mike's Halloween Costume... Fourth hint...

Okay, if this doesn't pretty much give it away, I'm not sure what will. He actually did Halloween a little early this year with a bunch of the Pharmacy crew this weekend in North Dakota. But this may be your last clue, get your guesses in!

...Okay so maybe this picture isn't that helpful... but it is really funny!!

Guess what Mike is for Halloween... Third hint...

Look at the last entry for hints one and two...

Third hint:

Guess what Mike is for Halloween...

I give you a new clue each day. Here's your first: it's something beloved from his childhood.

Here's your second:

The Cudas...

My sister Mandy and her husband Scott Cuda found their way to the almost frozen tundra this week. They are recovering from a fairly intense wedding in Las Vegas this past weekend where Mandy was bridesmaid extraordinare, and Scott had a medical conference at the U Monday and Tuesday, and it was supposed to go thru today, but they cancelled a bunch of stuff on him. They are the pair hailing from Kailua, Hawaii, so with snow flurries and low to mid-20 degree weather today, they were a little out of their element. But no worries, we found a Caribou (Mandy misses these greatly on the island) and a couple of cats to keep us warm. Was really nice to
have them with nothing to do; we just hang out well together. Mandy and I find more and more in common as we grow up, and Mike and Scott are like long-lost brothers. We get along great as couples and individuals; I really like who my sisters and I have grown into, and what the men and brothers that we love add to who we are.

Last Friday...

Last Friday I went for a walk earlier in the morning, before work to clear my head, gather my thoughts, and to throw some things around with God. I find that walking is one of the best activities for me to do this. The Big Guy sometimes even reveals to me little tidbits of wisdom.

This fall morning, I walked streets and sidewalks speckled with autumnal sunlight filtering thru the partially bare branches. I've been struggling a little bit recently, maybe you have guessed, in my trust and reliance in these situations when I am utterly out of control. This fall with this new job, in this new place, with new people all around, and an entirely new situation concerning my and Mike's income has forced me to either lean solely on the One who insists I do so, or drive myself crazy in the process. And as I walked along thru the patches of light, I did find a bit of truth...

Leaves on trees in the spring are new life, displays of healthy organisms, of food being produced and growth happening. Thru the summer, the leaves are sustained, filled out, and they soak up the light. And then in the fall, their gradual demise is ironically evident in the striking display of colors, before they are shed, dry and useless, to save the tree from the deadly cold of winter.

This sort of hibernation, this dying of a part of the organism to save the rest so that the new green growth of spring can happen, reminds me a bit of my faith walk. I go thru these times of growth, of warmth in the light, soaking up the life-giving food of the Spirit. These times of sustaining, of filling out my spiritual girth, expanding my horizons, learning new things. And now I find myself in another spiritual autumn, a dying of a season and a leading into another yet unseen. A time of the changing of my colors in preparation for a winter. I don't exactly know what's coming; it might be a long, bitter Minnesota winter, maybe a short, mild Virginia winter. But I realize something else too. When the leaves are shed and the branches are bare, the light is that much clearer, the shade is less and less, the darkness becomes light. The leaves and growth are good, essential, but sometimes they distract from the clarity of the light. It's in the winters of our faiths that we see and feel the light most clearly, maybe in the utter contrast of the coldness of doubt. In autumn, the leaves fall, we shed the distractions and see only the light. I look forward to another spring, but for right now, in this autumn leading to a winter, I will focus on the light, now seen so clearly thru the bare branches, as I crunch thru the leaves at my feet...

Dunn Brothers, laptop, latte...

So I sit here at "work" at Dunn Brothers Coffee shop; they have free wireless access, so I can actually do my job from this little spot on University Ave. I'm actually feeling quite unmotivated; out of the 14 churches I visited today, two were closed, 11 I only spoke to a secretary, and only at one did I actually talk to a youth pastor. Supposedly Mondays and Fridays are bad days to hit churches, most likely days for pastors to have off, but Thursdays obviously aren't great either. I do like my job; I have the power to make it or not make it, I determine my schedule, who I meet with and when, what I do and when, and yet it's a little disheartening a lot of the time. So much of this is laying a foundation of which I might not see fruits for weeks, months, or even years.

But I do like that today I find myself at a coffee shop, sending emails, making a couple phone calls, and sipping a pumpkin spice latte (James, your blog inspired me when I walked in today). Not that I should really be spending $3.69 on a drink I've almost consumed in about 10 minutes, but Mike's talking about going out tonight, so this means I just won't order a drink if/when we go out. This is logical, right?

People ask what I do... Kinda difficult to answer... I'm a door-to-door salesman, I'm a telemarketer, I send what some might consider spam emails, all the things taht are people's worst pet peeves. But I don't really do any of that. I mean I do, but I don't. I really want people to know about what we do and why. And I want to be used by pastors to benefit their ministries. But at the moment, I feel mostly like the afore mentioned. Is that bad? If you worked at a church and I came in and talked to you, would you hate me? Would I be wasting your time in such an offensive manner?

As I type, the roastmaster at this particular Dunn Bros has just started roasting the beans in a contraption about the size of a refrigerator from the '50's. The gentle humming, swooshing, buzzing is pretty nice. The one problem with my job is times like these, when I really just want to grab a book, listen to the coffee beans whirl, and get lost in distraction. But I guess I have to remember the summer; those trips happened because of moments like these when the boys chose to be effective rather than distracted. Guess I should get back to work...

A few of my favorite things... from this week...

So we had a couple of great surprises this week already. Some great friends from Duluth popped down and stayed the night on our new futon; Eric, Jen, and Zeb Svoboda came and crashed in our extra bedroom Saturday night, hung out for a bit Sunday morning before meeting up with some other friends in Minneapolis. We saw Eric for just a bit last weekend when we were up in Duluth, but we missed Jen and Zeb as they were in Fargo ("Faaaar-gooo") visiting with Jen's family, but we got the whole gang for a night in St. Paul. Jen and Eric were among the first couples that Mike and I got to know and love as a couple. It works out perfectly in that I enjoy Jen's company as much as Mike enjoys Eric; and Zeb is the perfect entertainment for all of the above. I like this arrangement with the four of us; we complement each other well, it seems, and man, watch out when it comes to playing a mean game of marbles; Jen and Mike are just a wee bit too competitive, but fortunately, Eric and I can generally keep them in line. We haven't tried Settlers of Caton with all four of us yet, that just might get ugly.

And then, just tonight, I was steeple chasing on the east side of St. Paul, and just decided to keep driving, over the river and into Wisconsin, to U of W River Falls, where one of my favorite college freshmen resides: Sarah Knuth. We spent a most pleasant evening scarffing Perkins and sitting in the greatest little coffee shop, sipping tea and mochas, writing speeches, updating excel files, and catching up. Sarah, as I've mentioned in the past, is wise beyond her years, with a ready smile and laugh; always a light in my day. She's working on a degree in Elementary Education and will someday become the best second-grade teacher ever to walk the halls of any school she chooses to bless (don't really know about the second grade thing...).

Thanks, Eric, Jen, Zeb, and Sarah, for making my week already, and it's only Tuesday! I enjoy all of you and miss you all terribly, though I'm way glad that we're still not too far away (35 minutes, Sarah; I timed it on the way home!)

A few angels among us...

Let me introduce you to a few of the angels in my life, usually sent directly from God at just the right moments, to give just what I need at that moment. In no particular order:

Amy Patrick, lives in Salt Lake City, UT, and has the uncanny sense of when I'm having a rough time with stuff, calls, says she's in Minnesota, and says that she's coming to hang out, give and receive backrubs, and "unpack" our apartment. Love you, Amy J; impecable timing, and the best backrubs I've ever gotten.

Denise and Maria, gals from the flower shop, who also make the time for me in their very busy lives, among multiple jobs, couple of sweet daughters, husbands, etc. to take me out for drinks, laughs, and moral support.

Amanda Lufholm, wonderful, wise, sister-type; we seem to go thru similar stuff, but at different times, making her the best source of experience-based advice; plus she gives great hugs and takes me on long walks with Sam; what more is there in life?

Tatianna and Janell, got some lovin' from the PPM staff this past weekend at a staff reunion; Tatianna is pure joy incarnet, her laugh is infectious, her smile lights up a room or an entire state park, and this contentment shines thru when she leads worship. She makes me want to be near her to try and grasp some of this joy that wells up from her soul! And Janell, what, no, Janell, come on... my roommate from most of the summer, that knows my moods when I wake up in the morning, cries with me when I need to cry, commiserates when I need to commiserate, laughs when I need to laugh, and can belch like few other refined women I know; truly a sister in all aspects of the word! And man, when we say angelic, I imagine her voice when she sings is what heaven will sound like when we praise Him for all eternity!

And for some reason, they won't let me put on any other pics... I was going to tell you about the fabulous BJ... I'll just have to save her for her own blog!

Thanks to all you wonderful women who have given so much to me so effortlessly!! I appreciate all of you more than you'll ever know. And PS- these are just the people who have effected me lately!

Another day...

I write today without any specific news. Mike and I have moved into our new apartment, nothing terribly exciting, lots of boxes and clutter. I've continued on with Praying Pelican, and fall is our busy time of finding new trips. I think this will be an interesting endevour. Today I am simply sending me out to all of you. I am missing a great many of you today, feeling a little alone. Feeling a little lost in where I am at and why I am here. But here all the same... Mom and Dad, Heather, and Kate and James and Finn were here this weekend, fevorishly unpacking boxes and putting things away; maybe I am just missing the void they have left. Maybe I'm a little scared of what I've gotten myself into. Maybe I'm in recovery, spiritual and otherwise from this past week in Belize. Whatever it is, it's where I'm at. Linus, Sally, and I are going to go set up the office...

Linus loving the new futon...


And Sally deciding playing with the camera strap is much more fun than sitting and getting her picture taken...

White Coat Ceremony Pics

Well, during orientation they threw a white coat on me, and called me a student pharmacist. So I guess its somewhat official now...

Here's some pictures from after the ceremony:

I present to you the University of Minnesota, Twin Cities pharmacy class of 2010.

Some proud parents thinking, "Seriously Mike...are you REALLY done with school after pharmacy school?"

Would you buy drugs from this man?

Back in Belize...

Yup, back in Belize for Praying Pelican's last trip this summer. We're working in Belize City this week with Pastor Lloyd, who ironically keeps trying to send me to Cancun... I love that guy! But no worries, Pfingsten brothers, I am in Belize City. I got this great shot of the good pastor as he talked on his cell phone in the middle of a busy downtown Belize City street... But interesting internet connection in our favorite PPM "home away from home," the Global Village, is not letting me post it; I'll get it on another time. It's been amazing to continue to renew and make new connections; I've gotten to be reacquainted with Keith's family from two years ago, who came out from Belize City to minister with us in Democracia. Kecia and Kedel are almost all grown up, sort of, and I've gotten to meet their little sister, Kia.

Pastor Cecil from Democracia was in the city today working on various projects, and amazing news Lakeview Crew, Frank Clark rededicated his life to Christ last week!! Praise God for answered prayers!! As you can imagine, Pastors Lloyd and Cecil are beside themselves with excitement for what this means for that small village; Frank and his wife Myrtle are pillars in that community, so to have Frank back on board not only means a significant change in his own spiritual life, but also in the village's.

Not going to write too long today, gotta get back to work... Besides if you all continue to refuse to comment on either Mike or I's entries, we might just give this up!! I have the sneaking suspicion that there are actually people reading this, but who would know?

Thanks again to all our friends and family who helped Mike move this weekend, for your patience and support; we love all of you so much!!!

Moving and Orientation

I forgot how much moving sucks. We completely filled Meg's and I new apartment with boxes, and I've been trying to swim out.

Moving is a big ordeal for anyone; it's even bigger when U-Haul makes it harder. I got a call on last week from U-haul that they did not have any trucks in Duluth, but had one in Cloquet. Fine, I say...not a big deal, even though Cloquet is 1/2 hour away. I had to pick a truck up for Minneapolis in Mankato once, so not a surprise considering it is peak moving season. So I show up in Cloquet to find that the truck and tow-dolly are both damaged and unusable. Not only that, but the blankets I reserved were also not there for me, at no fault of the Cloquet U-haul guy. Apparently he put out some work orders on the truck and dolly, but the service tech never came, even though they knew I had reserved it. He calls HQ, peeved, and they tell him that there is a truck available in Grand Rapids or Hibbing, both 1 1/2 hour + away! I am starting to think I will be moving mid-week instead on Sunday. Meanwhile, people that I have arranged to move with in Duluth at 11:00, have been waiting for 30+ minutes with no Mike in sight. So I decide to check out a 14' truck in Duluth to see if it is big enough to put all of our stuff in, which is laughable because we completely filled a 10x20' storage unit. So back in Duluth, I ask the U-haul guys if they have a 24' truck available...and they did...a 27' truck. They were fixing it because apparently the battery was draining. But because I was doing a one-way move, I didn't see why it wouldn't work. So, they gave me the truck, and life was good. Special thanks for the Svoblog and the Knuth family for hauling stuff into the trailer! Matt P was also at the scene, but had to do pre-baby activities in the afternoon on Sunday; plus he waited for over 30 minutes for me to show up at 11:00.

Later, in the Twin Cities, my uncle Scott, Grandpa, my Mom and Dad, and Jason P, helped me unload the truck. My grandpa is a workhorse! He's 80+ yrs old, and has a prosthetic knee, but he was hauling all the heavy stuff with the rest of us! So after 3 hours of heavy lifting, we decided to call it a night.

So this morning, I show up for pharmacy orientation. I was pretty pleased with myself, because I was 45 minutes early...only to find out it starts tomorrow. So I was 24+ hrs early. Shows that you should read your emails VERY carefully. So looking like an idiot, I walked out of the pharmacy office with my tail between my legs. Oh well...at least I got my bus pass.

Why yes, I'm a award winning brewer...*update*

The Burninator strikes again!

So I'm quitting pharmacy school, to persue brewing...

Just kidding. I entered one horse in the race at the state fair, my double IPA. Check out the unofficial results here; the MN state fair still hasn't offically posted the resuts, but you can watch for them here.

Well I didn't win best of show, but I still walked away with a gold medal IPA. Not bad for the first try ;)

The McGurfer reunion, minus a few McGrails...

So many of you who read this probably already know who the Furlers are, but for those of you who don't, let me give you a little history. My dad and Alan Furler (dad Furler) started working together when we lived in Glens Falls, NY before I was born. They ended up with three daughters when all was said and done, and we with four, all of us around the same ages. So I've know this family from the womb. Our families both got transferred to St. Louis, MO with our dads' jobs, stayed there a couple of years; then Al found a job back in NJ, hired my dad, and we all moved back to the east coast together. It's only been since my parents moved to MN in '96 that we have not lived in the same vacinity as the Furlers.

We have grown up with them, quite literally, spending almost as much time at their house than our own. Sue (mom Furler) was always our emergency contact, and the mom
that picked me up from school and let me stay on the couch when I sprained my ankle. She was the mom that let us play with play-dough whenever we wanted, in fact we should take it home with us to our house (so that she would never have to deal with it again, giving my mom the duty to tell us no to messy creativity). Sue has always made the best cinnamin toast, always sent me into the store on the way home from school to grab her a snickers, and taught me that less is more when it comes to make-up.


And then there are the sisters. Laura, the oldest of the McGurfers (smoosh McGrail and Furler together=McGurfer), was our mom figure; she rode me around when I was too small to reach the petals on a bike on the back of their tandem so that I could play bike tag with the big kids, she was brave enough to play Miss Hannigen when we played Annie in our basement, and hers was the first wedding I ever participated in; she trusted Kate and I to sing at the time in life when I was so terrified to be in front of people that I burst into tears at the mere thought of it.

Sarah is closest to me in age, three years older than I, and we've been friends longer than I can remember. She and I slept over together in her daybed several days in a row, played King's Quest to all hours of the night and into the morning,
she even forgave me when I crushed on of her favorite china animals when we were playing leggos. And she was the only bridesmaid in my wedding not blood-related to either Mike or I. Sarah and I don't talk or communicate regularly, even often, but I've decided we have the best kind of friendship I could ever ask for; we never feel bad if we haven't talked or spent time recently, we merely pick up where we left off. Sarah and I have so much history that we always have plenty to reminisce about, but we are involved enough now in each other's lives to continue caring and loving each other where we are at.

And then there's Em. She's a little younger than Kate, and she and Kate have always been close, but it's been amazing how as we "grow up," we grow closer. Age matters less and less. Now Em is my other little sister, she's the one that I sit at the breakfast table with now and talk about anything and everything, things past, things present. Em has always amazed me with her unrelenting and unwaivering faith; she has trusted Jesus like few others I have ever encountered, and she lets everyone know it. I want to be a bit more like Em when it comes to sharing my faith.

Last summer, Em married Logan in Cape May, NJ. As all the McGurfers gathered, I was struck by the notion that we were running out of weddings; we needed to find another reason to get together. In typical Meg-fashion, I blurted this out, saying that I would plan something... Yeah, and I really followed thru on that. Fortunately, Sue and Al know me better than I know myself, and they graciously included us in their family trip. So Mom, Dad, and I joined Sue and Al, Laura and Corbette, Sarah and Kyle, Em and Logan, and Aunt Lynn, Uncle Bob, and cousins Ben and Ethan in Durango, CO. We McGrails were only able to stay a few days (Mom and Dad had to transport me back to MN so I could fly back to Belize today), so we were extremely sad to say goodbye so quickly, but so grateful for the time to spend with our extended family.

A Moment with Oz...

As Mike and I face various decisions in the immediate future, what job to take or not take, what apartment to live in or not live in, where do we go or not go, I find myself much more fearful than I would chose to admit. I tell people that I am okay with change, and I am for the most part, but I do always wonder. It's what wakes me early on a Saturday and doesn't allow me to fall back asleep. So I read...

"The Theology of Rest"
(from Oswald Chambers', My Utmost for His Highest, August 12)

"Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith?" (Matthew 8:26)

"When we are in fear we can do nothing less than pray to God, but our Lord has a right to expect that those who name His Name should have an understanding confidence in Him. God expects His children to be so confident in Him that in any crisis they are the reliable ones. Our trust is in God up to a certain point, then we go back to the elementary panic prayers of those who do not know God. We get to our wits' end, showing that we have not the slightest confidence in Him and His government of the world; He seems to be alseep, and we see nothing but breakers ahead.

'Oh ye of little faith!' What a pang must have shot through the disciples-- 'Missed it again!' And what a pang will go through us when we suddenly realize that we might have produced downright joy in the heart of Jesus by remaining absolutely confident in Him, no matter what was ahead.

Ther are stages in life when there is no storm, no crisis, when we do our human best; it is when a crisis arises that we instantly reveal upon whom we rely. If we have been learning to worship God and to trust Him, the crisis will reveal that we will go to the breaking point and not break in our confidence in Him.

We have been talking a great deal about sactification-- what is it all going to amount to? It should work out into rest in God which means oneness with God, a oneness which will make us not only blameless in His sight, but a deep joy to Him."

My other nephew...

So I mentioned back in July that my sweet friend Kayla had a baby boy, Conner! This past weekend, after a long day of apartment hunting, I had the chance to go meet the little guy. And he's so great! How amazing to me that God not only granted me one nephew in Finn, but another, hopefully I can really be honorary auntie, in Conner.

I am awed by how Kayla too has slipped so gracefully into this mom role. Both she and Kate seem so sure of themselves, so at home and perfectly natural with their little guys in their arms. I guess this is what you call "maternal instinct," but I don't think this is always the case. I have seen women who don't pull this off with such distinction, but both K & K seem perfectly at ease and confident. As they sooth and coo at Finn and Conner, I am soothed and calmed; the environment is contagious. And for a moment I forget the anxiety of not yet being a mom, of worrying that when that time does come, I won't slip into the role so smoothly, that even my inexperienced presence might break the spell of warmth and welcome that hovers over moms.


I've said before that I love pregnant women. But I must rephrase: I love moms. I love expectant mothers, new mothers, old mothers, and everything inbetween. There is something so blessed about parenthood, that I have yet to taste, but I've smelled it. And like the scent of fresh baked bread on the Belizean breeze, I want to be as close to the source of that scent as possible, to bask in the natural beams of moms... Though I'm not sure I'll be tasting in the immediate future; sorry to disappoint, Mom McGrail and Mom Schroeder!

Gumball and Mo...

So I'm a college graduate, and by day I'm a missionary, but often nights you can find me at the Gap. No, I'm not a shop-a-holic, though I do shop more now than I did, but now with discounts: I work at the Gap. And though I find my job with Praying Pelicans very rewarding, I really do love working at the Gap. I love the people I work with, I love helping people, even if it is only to spend their money. But as I sit in my office alone all day, I get kinda excited about going and hanging out with people.


Last night, I spent the evening with Marissa ("Mo") and Megan ("Gumball")pictured here. And Sue B., but she left early. I really like Gumball and Mo. They're fun, funny, and just nice to be around. We're a little goofy, can get our jobs done, we don't bug each other, unless it's on purpose, and I just really enjoy their company. Mo is working on her masters in speech pathology (yeah Sarah Tanis!) and is getting married in 3 weeks to another Mike; another M & M. And Gumball returned from spending last fall in England studying abroad and is dating Kevin who will be working on his uncle's farm this fall until he starts training the be a police officer.


I'm amazed at how and where we meet the people we choose to hang with, but I'm grateful all the same. Mike and I are moving to the Cities shortly. And I will miss my Gap family. I think I will transfer to another Gap, but I think it won't be the same. There will be no Mo, no Gumball, no new mom named Kara, no Rick, no Wendy, no Sue V. or Sue B. Maybe there will be new friends. But I'll miss these ones...

Faith like a child...

So my boss told me to go home early today; who's boss tells them that on a beautiful Friday afternoon? Honestly. But as I thought about it, I realized I didn't have enough time to really go do anything before I have to be at my other job, and in looking through some of our pictures from Belize this summer, I realize there are still many stories that need sharing. And since I don't have 18 straight hours to sit and talk with most of you, I'll tell you some of these neat moments in a few installments.


This first one is about this little guy. As you can see, he's covered in varying shades of magic marker. I am distressed to admit that I have already fogotten his name; I know I hung around with a Mikey that week (another one in addition to the one I'm married to) so we'll call this guy Mikey, and if any of you from the Asbury trip happen to remember this guy's name, I'd love to know it. This little man is from Valley Community, a little village about a 45 minute drive up the Hummingbird Highway from Dangriga. He's about three, and in the first moments I hung out with him, he clung tightly to his older sister, but I could tell she was looking for someone to watch him so that she could delve into the various VBS delights that were happening around us. She happened to catch my eye and took that as an invitation to leave him with me. No problem, who can resist such a face?

Mikey's a little young to be working on the "stained glass" butterfly that his sister was working on, sticking all colors of tissue paper to a cut-out butterfly shape covered in transparent contact paper, so we found him some paper and a few markers, and he went to town. We soon discovered that the beloved overhead fans were causing a bit of a problem with all the wispy pieces of tissue paper, so they were shut off. The heat wasn't horrible that day, but the bugs, with no breeze to blow them away, started to find us. In the Valley, there are these horrible bugs, only about the size of gnats, that they call sand flies; one Belizean informed me that these tiny monsters don't actually bite, they just rip chunks of flesh from you, leaving a little spot of blood trickling down your leg, and then about 12 hours later, the most irritatingly itchy welt I've ever experienced.


These horrible insects started going after Mikey shortly after the fans were turned off. This great kid, so focused on his scribbles, merely wiped them away, concentrating on the piece of paper in front of him. As he selected colors from me, ripping the tops off the markers, handing the tops back to me, doodling away, then taking the tops back, pushing these caps into place, returning the marker, and starting the process over again, he missed caps, smearing ink all over his hands. In addition, as he wiped the flies away, sometimes he would still have an uncovered marker in his hand, or even if he didn't, the ink from his covered hands transferred to various areas on his ears, face, neck, and head. By the end of craft time, he was covered in all colors, and I loved him all the more for it. He'd look up at me asking with his eyes what I thought of the colors on his masterpiece, and trying so hard not to giggle at the ink smeared across his eyelids, I'd encourage him to keep coloring, that it only got better and better as he continued to color. That I loved the meaningless scribbles, that he was great and an extremely talented artist.

As I thought about Mikey the rest of that day, I had a revelation. A child-like faith... Mikey was so focused on that paper in front of him and my approval, that he noticed not the bugs, the lack of moving air, or the ink covering his face. ...Maybe this is what Jesus meant by having a child-like faith, faith like a child, to be so innocently focused on the Father and His will, that we would notice nothing else but the tasks He places before us and His approval. I want to be like Mikey, covered in the colors of this world, maybe with a few bites along the way, but working ever so diligently after the desires of my Savior's heart, seeking only His love and affection

Windsor Tribune Article

Here's an article from the Windsor Tribune in Colorado with the first group we took down in the summer; Brittney had it posted on her blog.

Our new Duluth Family...

I'm back again. Still working thru the stuff from the summer, and I realized I titled my last entry about the RV and the Knuths and then didn't mention anything about either. So here's what's happening...

It's been great being "home" so far; we've parked Mom and Dad McGrail's recreational vehicle in the backyard of one of our favorite Duluthian families, the Knuths. Kim and Mike (mom and dad Knuth) are a great couple, perfect combination of laid-back and fun, and so hospitable and welcoming. Mike is a fellow scientist, so my Mike and he are two peas in a pod. And Kim is great, a little mom-ish, which is greatly appreciated being so far from my own Mom, always making sure I have something to eat, that we're included in anything that we want to be involved in, and always invited to dinner or their fridge. But more than that, she's just a great friend; I enjoy our evenings in the living room when it rains or on the back porch when it doesn't.

Then there's Sarah and Steve (brother and sister Knuth). I've told you about Sarah a little earlier; she, Kristin, and Kayla are "my girls" from the youth group. We occassionally have small group/bible study, and more often just enjoy each other, laughing, watching movies, grabbing cheap apps during happy hour at Applebee's. I love Sarah; she's a bit of everything that I wanted or wished I had been in high school. She's involved, but not over-committed...usually. She's steeped in her faith, one of the most committed Christians at her age, or maybe any age, of most I've encountered. She laughs, works hard, plays hard, values her friends and family, dabbles in a few sports, and is generally stable most of the time, making her an excellent friend or partner in crime. She knows who she is and stands firm and comfortably there.

Steve is about to start high school. And he's the little brother or guy friend that every girl should have. He's funny and a little awkward, cool without knowing it, and really genuinely cares about the people around him. Though he wouldn't admit it, he respects his parents, looks up to his big sister (and big brother, Thomas, away at school), and unlike many adolecent males I've encountered, generally has a very good head on his shoulders. Plus, I think he's going to be really fun to watch on the football field.

I don't like everything about us Christians; I've seen a lot of great and not-so-great qualities over the years, in secular venues, in Mike and I's conservative alma mater, in ministry, and now internationally. But the one thing I truly value, that at its best is one of the most amazing parts of being a Christian, is being part of the family. I've loved to see how even across boarders, we as brothers and sisters in Christ have a bond strong enough to cause us to reach out to complete strangers, to take in and take care of the other people in our family. That when we recognize, or think we recognize that softness of spirit, that non-blood relationship, we take them as blood relatives. And I guess we are, just not the blood of our parents, but rather of our Savior. I've been cared for by the Jansons, the Knuths, Hilda and Hesse in Crooked Tree, Cecelio and Desol in Santa Elena, Brenda in La Democracia, Suzan and Roy in Belmopan, Pastor Lloyd and Nancy in Belize City, Pastor Elvis, Geraldine, Diana, Marta, and Reuben in Village Community, Pastor Caleb, Barbara, Lorraine, and Emmogene in Dangriga, not to mention the countless team members from CO, CA, WI, MN, TX, NC, OH, and WA.

I love that this family cares for me and that I have the opportunity to care for them. Kim Knuth, after letting me know that it was okay for us to park in their backyard way back in May, said that more people should take advantage of help when it's offered. And my friend Amy always says "ask for what you need and give what you can." So simple, yet why are we so prideful to think that we need to do everything on our own? I am eternally grateful for all of you, and look forward for future situations when I can serve you, serve with you, or be served by you. Thank you!

Living in an RV in Knuths' backyard...

Well, back in the country, and back to real life? We returned from Belize very early Monday morning, making it to Chaska and Mike's parents' at about 1:30am. We slept a few hours, got up at a reasonable hour, and departed for Madison, WI, a mere 5 1/2 hour drive to pick up our "house" for the next few weeks. We met Mom, Dad, Kate, and Finn in Madison, grabbed some much needed red meat and green salad together (we'd been missing those two items specifically), and then went our separate ways, Mike and I to Duluth, and the rest of the clan back to Indy.

I finally met my nephew. And he's so much of everything more than I thought. I didn't know I could feel this way about such a small person, and he's not even mine. Watching Kate be a mom, hearing in person and seeing and touching what I've missed over the past months, I am utterly struck by the flood of emotions of our growing family. I've cherished the moments that we've added brothers, but it does seem like there's a certain amount of predictability in what types of people these guys are and what they will add to our family in that we generally hear about and know them for months or even years before they are officially added. With Finn, there was a basketball in Kate's tummy and then there was Finn. Sweet, smiling, gurgling, adorable, soft, wonderful Finn. I don't even know who he is yet, or who he will be, but I know that I love him. Maybe my heart is tender to kids after this summer with so many sweet small ones, but I just want to hold him and watch him... Makes me love and appreciate my sister all the more too; so proud of you and James, Kate!

And being back, we've started to process this summer. I'll probably use the next few installments to try and give you a taste of what I think, but it's all a little fuzzy right now. Don't exactly know if this is culture shock, my introverted self recovering from so much extroversion, or just that we are that tired. We feel a little like we've lost two months of our lives, and yet at the same time, so much has been packed into those two months that it feels more like a year's worth of stuff crammed in between the rest of our life. That doesn't exactly make sense, but I don't have the descriptive powers of my next eldest and younger sisters.

I've started to have a notion of how to explain what's been happening, but I think I need to journal a little more before trying to explain it... But for now, I feel a little bit like my life is a chess board, I'm the king or maybe the queen, not sure. And there are all these other pieces that move around me and influence my game, my life. And there are things that happened five moves ago that I am only now understanding why they happened. And there are moves happening now that I'm hoping will become clear in the future. God has control of all these pieces and all these movements; He already knows the outcome of the game. It's a little bit like Searching for Bobby Fischer, for those of you who have seen that movie; Josh has to learn to see how each move will set him up for 5 or 10 or even 15 moves down the way. I can't see what's happening as only one piece, but it's being directed very specifically. More later...


And now for a poll from Mike:

Should Mike keep the beard?
	Yes
	No
	Soul Patch Baby!
Free polls from Pollhost.com