Homework 'n Hoops...

Our friend Shannon has convinced me that I might be of some use in a community program that she heads up; it's a sort of after-school tutoring/mentoring program with some inner-city kids called Homework 'n Hoops. I'm not sure how much use I am most of the time, but I think the students just appreciate the attention, and that I can give.

The last two weeks I've been working with Olga who is nine years old. English is the second language in her home, but she speaks infinitely better English than I will ever speak Spanish, so she teaches me a little more each week; if only I could teach her something occasionally! This week we worked on identifying the food groups and some greater-than, less-than math type stuff. She brought a little stuffed dog named spot along with her, who kept us company as we worked. We also played carpet ball, and for being kinda small, that girl can whip that cue ball down the lane as well as any of us.

At the end of our time together tonight, as time grew short, Olga started noting various items of interest that I was wearing, first the hood on my sweatshirt, then the nametag I was wearing, and finally my scarf. She decided I wasn't utilizing this item to it's greatest potential, tied it around my neck, and then wrapped it up and over my head, tying it on top, covering my ears. Of course, my hair is everywhere, and typical of a youngster, she didn't quite grasp the idea that as she tied the scarf tighter over my head, it also tightened around my neck. Needless to say, it was a little uncomfortable, and I was a little disheveled, and I loved every moment of it. I almost forget how much I enjoy kids.

I spend so much time interacting with adults, I miss the freedom and innocence of the interests and touch of kids. Olga melted my heart tonight, just with her laugh, her creative clothing designs, and just her touch. Human touch is so amazing. In no inappropriate way, just our simple little game of let's-see-how-goofy-we-can-make-Meg-look, we allowed a moment, I think we are sometimes too guarded to allow, to happen. Kids are so tactile, they want to hold your hand, lean on your shoulder, tap you on the shoulder when they want your attention, not just speak. I noticed this last summer in Belize, but in my hiatus, I almost forgot. We have our personal space as adults, and kids have little if any concept of that, at least not at that age. What happens to us along the way that we become so guarded? Where do we learn to step back from interaction?

I owe you all some pictures...

These may or may not be in chronological order, but some happy holiday scenes!

Kim and Sarah Knuth in the gorgeously lit park outside the Ordway Theater in St. Paul when we went to see "White Christmas."

Karen and her new dog, Dandy, Christmas morning; so not fair, she's that beautiful, first thing in the morning, no make-up, nothing!

Kristi sporting her new favorite shirt; she really does handle mornings better than this implies!

Kristi's husband Jason hiding behind his pile of presents; we're spoiled rotten, what can we say?!

Steph and Larry after Larry has opened his fourth... fifth...? box of chocolate-covered espresso beans, was a very caffeinated holiday!

Grandpa Tom Tom, give me that plug!

Mom and Heather snuggled up by the fire...

Who's the cutest elf ever?!?

The whole McGrail, Cuda, Rohl, Schroeder gang...

Mandy and I playing with the camera; we really do look a lot alike, don't we?

That was Gold what...?!?

Can we say "Baby Gap ad"?

Auntie Meg and Finny... Who's the best auntie ever...?

Midnight, New Year's Eve at the Cheesecake Factory for fifty cent glasses of champagne with James and Kate (Finn came too, but he slept thru mostly everything; I'm telling you, he'd the best kid!), their friends from Santa Barbara, Jesse and Carly, and Heather and Andy (friend from her work)

Happy New Year's, my sweet! (How's my poof, Kristi?)

Don't worry, happier times...

Sorry about the sadness of my last entry; sometimes I just want to say it, but then I have to remember too that I won't necesarily get to talk to all of you and let you know what's really going on. Know that I am still breathing, I'm not crying, not now anyway :), Mike and I are great, and we're moving forward. He starts his second semester of pharmacy school tomorrow, and we've just had a great weekend just being together. No, my past blog had nothing to do with me and Mike or our marriage, we're great, better every day, better than I ever though marriage could be. I love my husband more than I could ever express to any of you; he's my best friend, my accountability, my sense of humor, my shoulder to cry on, my arm to snuggle into, my personal chef, the one who sees my at my worst and best every day and still stays, he still there the next morning.

We decided to take advantage of a gift certificate that has recently expired, but our hosts were gracious enough to overlook that, to a B&B (bed and breakfast) up the north shore in Grand Marais, about two hours north of Duluth. We left at a leasurly hour on Sunday, spent a bit of the afternoon with the Svobodas (see post about Eric, Jen, and Zeb).

Zeb turned two years old in December, is very talkative, and has taken quite a shining to Mike. Mike is great with toddlers, not going to lie to you; was quite taken with him many years ago as he played with his then little, now not-so-little cousin, Kelsey. Zeb practically burst into tears at one point when Mike disappeared for a minute to use the restroom. I, of course, was chopped liver, but he was saying my name too and even sharing his Culver's frozen yogurt with me by the end of the evening. Eric and Jen are one of our favorite friends, especially as a couple; Mike and Eric are two peas in a pod, and Jen and I love to hang out, but I'd have to say, my favorite times are when we get together the four of us, or five with Zeb, and play games, go out, or just chat. Eric jabs me good-heartedly, and Mike and Jen banter over the pros and cons of the Atkins diet, and man, give us a Marbles board (game kinda like "sorry"), and it can get down-right nasty with the competition ;)!

We continued on with our journey, got to the MacArthur House after dark and snuggled in, listened to the wind howl outside, drank a bottle of cheap wine, and ate dove chocolates and talked. So nice to go someplace annonymous, turn off the phone, leave the TV and radio and all that behind and just be together. It's funny how after almost ten years of being together, dating, engaged, and married, we never run out of things to talk about. We slept in a little, woke in time for yummy breakfast downstairs served by our lovely hosts Max and Sherri, got back in bed for a mid-morning nap, and left about noon to head back down the shore. There's a great little cafe called the Soho Cafe in Tofte that we discovered on an earlier trip with Shannon and Steve (friends from high school and college); Mike's convinced that they serve the best reuben this side of Germany, and their breads and spreads are made fresh daily and deeeelicious.

We stopped by briefly to see our Arnold Road family, the Knuths; Kim and Mike had us in for a little catch-up chatting, Sarah was on her way back from the cities after dropping Alex off... Hmmmm... And Steve was losing PS2 to a friend downstairs. My other Duluth loved ones, please know we'd love to see all of you, but I think it's better if we spend a good chunk with people and rotate; so if we didn't see you this time, we'll be back soon.

All this to say, we are well, blessed even. Thanks for sticking with us, sorry about my ups and downs. And for those of you who sometimes relate, stick around, don't plan on being any less honest in the days to come, but there are silver linings to those thunder clouds, might be the sweet man watching the Apprentice next to you, might be a long-distance friend, might be the job you're greatful to have, maybe just the warm flannel sheets on your bed. Steve and Shannon (mentioned above) introduced us to a new female artist that we listened to in our journeys this weekend, who's name is escaping me, and in one of her songs she says to "laugh until you cry, and then cry until you laugh." I've cried enough for now, it's time to laugh again.

Who am I...?

Do you ever feel like something in your life has gone terribly wrong and you can't quite figure out how or why it's happened that way? Like you blinked and this whole... thing just happens, leaving you feeling like you've been sucker punched, like you could just cry for a couple of days, like you could just sit in the shower and pray that the therapeutic water would just wash it all away? I feel myself doubting who I am, who I've been, and where I'm going. Who am I that this has happened? What could I have done that this would result? Am I an honest person? Am I a person of integrity? Do I value the people around me? Do I try to be the best version of me all the time? Maybe not... Or maybe everyone around me is crazy... or maybe I am? Where would I be and what would I be doing if this thing hadn't happened?

Don't worry, nothing horrible has happened. Mike and I are fine. Fine, what a funny word we use. What does "fine" really mean? Speaking for me of course, I'm breathing, I've eaten today so I'm not starving to death, I've completed my nine-hour work day, I slept okay last night, so I'm fine, I'm surviving. I'm living. I send this into the void tonight not looking for consultation or empathy, and not sympathy either, just because for once I want to be brutally honest about where I'm at right this instance: I'm breathing, crying a little, surviving. And that's it. No happy faces, no smart things to say or comment on, nothing earth shattering. I find myself putting on the satisfied mask of "fine"-ness all to often: how are you- fine. How was work today- fine. How was your weekend- fine. The mask is off, this is me, right now... I'm breathing...

One spoiled homebrewer...

Here's some pictures of the new gussied up kegerator:

I got some tap handles from James, Kate, and Finn; I also received some German beer glasses and the tap on the far right from Gary and Sue. Notice the state fair medal hanging in the background :) Actually, that's the only beer I have on tap right now is that beer from the state fair. That and the weird cinnamon cider that Meg won't drink that is about a year old.

One difference between living here versus Duluth is I haven't had to put a heater in my kegerator yet because the beer is TOO COLD!


Scott and Mandy made my brewery somewhat more official and definitely more swanky with personalized mugs.

Post-Holiday emotions...

Sorry it's been a while again. I'm a little worried I'm going to lose all you faithful readers, and yet I also worry that I will bore or depress you these days. Still in a little bit of a slump, though our special times with family this season was a ready and appreciated reprive.

Two weekends before Christmas, Kim and Sarah Knuth from Duluth came to visit and treated me to a great evening; we grabbed dinner at Cafe Latte on Grand Ave. in St. Paul, one of Mike and I's favorites, and then we saw "White Christmas" at the Ordway. It was really cute, and so fun to spend that time with two great gals. They had absolutely covered every inch of the trees in the little park in from of the theater with Christmas lights, so even though there was no snow, it felt very winter-esque.

We spent Christmas with the Schroeders in Chaska; Karen and Dandy, Larry and Steph, and Kristi and Jason from Virginia Beach. Spent some great time with the extended families as well, the Peterson side on Christmas Eve, and the Schroeder side on Christmas Day. We've officially moved into adulthood, no more swapping of presents with the extended family, instead, someone decided on this brilliant idea; we each donated a gift card from somewhere that could be found at various locations in the country, and we played the dice game, rolling and winning a gift card and then still rolling, hoping for doubles so we could swap for the gift card that we really wanted. It was pretty fun, and a great idea! I hope the becomes a tradition.

We spent a long weekend over New Year's with the McGrails. Mandy and Scott were in Indy for a while from Hawaii, and we caught them on the last 36 hours of their visit; such a rare time to get all of us together, and our first holiday with Finn.

I think I'm experiencing auntie envy; I worry that when Mike and I start thinking about/having kids (no, Meggers is not preggers, Scott) that we will not be able to keep up with the angelic expectations that Finn has placed on all his unborn cousins; aside from the fact that he is quite possibly the cutest kid on creation (no offense Zeb or Conner, he's blood) he really is a great kid, doesn't fuss a whole lot, unless Grandma Kris looks away for one second and he wacks his head. He's very patient and falls asleep at the most ideal times and locations, allowing all looking out for him to enjoy long, lesiurely meals, games, and the like, and then wakes in the best mood with the hugest grin on his face. What if my kid is not so cute, what he/she is crabby in the morning like me, what if they have a hard time sleeping like Grandpa Larry does? Eh, we've got time to worry about all that a little later...

I'd like to post some pics from our gatherings, but I think Mikey has the camera, so if he gets back soon, we'll see what we can do. Otherwise, tune in soon; New Year's resolutions: 1) to have no parking tickets all year (parking nazi's on U of M campus); 2) be generally likable person at all times, even when crabby or sad or when dealing with unreasonable people in ritzy suburban mall; and 3) to keep up with blog so as to keep up with all of you (emailing, blog checking, etc. happens all at once).

Happy New Year, my dear ones.