Swinging the pendulum to another extreme...

I've now been a full-time stay-at-home mom for a full month now, sans part-time job. And I'm finding my list of projects that I've been putting off for years a little daunting, so I take baby steps. Or at least they started as baby steps, and now they're at about a gallop. Oh yeah, Milo's starting to walk. I put this in as a side note because I am convinced that he could have been walking a good couple of months ago; he just chose not too. Not that I really mind, the longer he doesn't walk, the longer he doesn't run, and the slower my life remains. I would post a video, but I've lost my camera attachment so the videos remain encased in my camera. Anyways, projects completed: two chairs and a couch covered, pillows recovered, several Christmas gifts made, lots of cooking and baking, some care packages in the works, new pants made for Milo, a flannel board expanded and added to for the munchkin's amusement, Milo's bumper (now dust-ruffle finally complete, almost 2 years later)... The list goes on.

I feel like I've been creatively constipated and now all rushes forth. I actually have a list of all the things I would like to make. I have sticky notes on my computer desktop tracking my Christmas lists, my to-do list, and recipes to try. Please don't read this the wrong way, I'm not really that talented, but I've decided to get back to my roots, if you will, pre-Gap, back to a time when I had no money and no pressure to be dressed "current." Back to "if I can make it, I should" or "I'm not going to buy something that I could make." This is both a blessing and a curse: I have been mildly successful on a few attempts, saving money and gaining personal worth when lacking the affirmation from a paycheck or a boss. But the list never ends, and just because I could make it, doesn't necessarily mean I should make it. Plus I'm now inundated with all of the things that I'm going to make. Some day. I think I'm driving Mike a little crazy. Or a lot.

I'm drowning in my own lists. How is it that I have the most time now than I've ever had before in my life, but there's still never enough time? I think I am my own worst enemy, to use another cliche. No one expects any of these things from me, in fact, I'm pretty sure Mike's not the only one who thinks I'm crazy. I think I've swung too far to the other side. It used to be that I really didn't have any time so I never could do any of these things, bake bread, sew, make a gift, but now that I have more time, I'm allowing it to swallow me.

I think I will make an early resolution: one project at a time. I want to get back into reading more again, I want to try a yoga class, I want to go to bed early and not feel like I have to finish whatever it is I might be working on or thinking about. I've read so many times about taking time for yourself, but I still have a hard time resonating with that. It sounds so selfish, so not helpful, so lazy. But I think I'm realizing that really it might be better for everyone if I just chill out a little. Stop and kick some leaves. I'm pretty sure Mike will appreciate it. I am not the energizer bunny, and I don't really want to be. Ah, now to just convince my brain of all of this.