Next step in the profession...

So Mike's getting paid to take a course at Purdue. And it's basically review of everything that he's learned thus far. Apparently his boss is a pretty good teacher, and Mike's pretty good at learning from training videos because this course has been fairly simple for him. But it means a weeks paid stay at a nice hotel in West Lafayette, IN which is actually a really cute area. Milo and I decided to come and stay, since we don't really have anything pressing on our schedule :) We're right across the street from a beautiful park and bridge over the river and into Lafayette where there are cute shops and coffee shops and cafes and a delicious Italian restaurant. So we're here, reading, working on Milo's baby book, going for walks, swinging at the park, looking at books at Border's across the way, taking naps, just chillin', waiting for Dad to come home... Sounds like our life most of the time, actually...

Life with cats...

For the most part, our cats seem disinterested in Milo. They are neither pleased nor annoyed by his presence. But as Milo gets a little stronger, a little bigger, and a little more assertive, I wonder how much they will put up with. Fortunately, I think we have the best cats for little kids; in terms of their fight or flight nature, they definitely go for flight. And even when they are cornered, or in this case try to take the "don't move and maybe he'll go away" technique, they are declawed and might nibble, but don't bite. The funny thing about this one is that Charlie just doesn't move; he's got plenty of opportunity to flee, I even encouraged him to do so, but he kept coming back. Glutton for punishment. The other thing that you probably can't see in this video is that Charlie is molting profusely. This is beyond mere shedding: when he finally did get off my lap, there was about as much fur there as was still on his being. I would feel bad for them, but like I said, they kind of encourage it!

Frustrations...

Milo seems to be on the cusp of walking. Or at least standing unassisted. He pulled himself up in the bathtub last night, little scary; seriously, kid, couldn't think of a safer place to do this for the first time? And today, I'm in our kitchen that overlooks our living room, he's chasing Sally around, and then all of a sudden he's pulled himself up on our wingback chair, which is fantastic and exciting, but also inches from our coffee table with metal protruding legs. Oiy.

He's loving this, but also super cranky as he does new things and finds all kinds of new limitations. It's like learning to drive, but then you realize you have to pay for gas and give people rides; great new freedom and more things to limit you all at the same time. Plus, he's getting a little better with communication, some words, a few signs, but again, same deal here. He can get a few things across, but not everything, and I think he's annoyed with us that we're not reading his mind.

And this brings new frustrations for me too. I want to help him, support him, but I want him to figure stuff out. I want him to stand and walk, though I perfectly happy with him just scooting, much easier to keep track of him, but I don't want to deal with the tears, bruises, and scrapes that come with the falling. Where is that balance of being a supportive mom, without being overbearing and overprotective? I'm sure all you experienced parents out there read this and laugh: oh silly mommy! But don't forget, I'm new at this, and now I'm in a new place too with not many people to talk to, let alone people in similar places in life. Milo and I are making new friends, it just takes some time. So in the meantime, you all will be my sounding board for the time being...

Lazy Sunday... sort of...

Life as a mom, wife, and housekeeper has started to lose a little of its shiny newness. It's one our first weekends home together, just the 3 of us, and Mike and I are at each other's throats, and I'm not exactly sure why. I think we're transitioning into our new roles, and like any transition, it's not always so smooth. He slept in yesterday, so I slept in today, which bugs me because I really want to go check out a couple of churches, but somehow I couldn't haul myself out from under my sleep cave. That makes me feel guilty, so I pick a fight with Mike while I clean up after him. We need neutral ground, so we decide on brunch and the park. Nice breakfast, beautiful hot afternoon of swinging and a walk in the not-quite-cool shade of the woods. Until I pick another fight. Granted, I think I have valid points, and I think we should be talking more, but somehow I'm nagging and he's defensive. Typical of marriage in general, neither of us is really right or wrong, but we're not seeing eye-to-eye. I'm sure it will pass, but in the meantime, we've retreated to our respective corners. Don't really want any advice, not in the mood for it. In fact, hoping Mike doesn't see this post as another picking of a fight. Sometimes I just need to put my real face on.

It's all fun and games until...

One year ago today...

It's Milo's first birthday, and yeah, he's grown a ton, and he's doing all kinds of fun things, but in this moment, for his and my benefit while it's still fairly fresh, I'd like to share with my son what Mike and me went thru and were thinking the day he was born. And why we couldn't be happier to be celebrating his first year with him.

We woke up early. It was Monday, and we had the first appointment. Inspired by Kate's beautiful post-birth pictures, I even did my hair and some make-up. We drove to Abbott Northwestern Hospital, parked in the ramp. We had been instructed to leave our stuff in the car because we'd be

moved around a little bit before we got in our own room. I was scared, and I found out later, Mike was too. He was scared for me and because he worried he wasn't ready to be a dad. I was scared. Scared of being a mom, scared of going in for my first major surgery, scared of everything that was going to follow. We knew that our lives were about to change, but there's nothing like scheduling it. It was nice because there were no surprises, but at the same time, we counted the hours and minutes leading up to it.

I can't explain what it's like being a parent, and no one really could to me either, and I think that's part of what I was scared of too: this, the biggest, most life-changing thing Mike and I

would ever do, but we weren't going to know what it was all about until it was happening. All I knew was that it is the best and hardest thing the people I love and trust have ever done. I

consider myself a spur-of-the-moment type of person, but mostly I'm safe; I don't do things I generally don't already know any of the possible outcomes. I know my consequences, the good and the bad, and I make my choices. Are they always the best decisions, maybe not. This time,

we had made the decision, but we didn't know what was going to happen. And I think because of

that, I was the most scared I've ever been.

We were prepped in a quiet birthing room. We looked around at all of the things we didn't have to worry about. They did one last ultrasound to make sure he hadn't flipped the right way over

the weekend. We also met our "team" here; the anesthesiologist, our nurse anesthetist, our

surgery nurse, and maybe some other people, but not going to lie, can't remember. And with that, they whisked us off to the operating room. Mike waited in the hall while they completely obliterated any sensation in my body. Even before I could swing my legs up onto the table, any

feeling was gone. They tied my arms down straight out from my body and got to work. And I know this all sounds crazy and kinda scary, and it was, but Mike and I were just talking today about how great our little team was. Everyone was so calm and reassuring. My doctor was fantastic, and it really was so good to see a familiar face.

Then, after some strange sensations, Mike and I just holding onto each other with our eyes, me crying the whole time, the team telling Mike to look over the curtain, and we were parents! I remember Dr. Frisch saying he was a boy, and Mike and I made eye contact again, and we instantly thought the same thing: What!?! We had been so sure we were having a girl. What would we name him? Yeah, that was our first thoughts as official parents, what will we call our first-born? My first glance of him was over under the incubator lights, and he was grey. I don't

care what they tell you, it's not normal, and my

heart stopped. But he squawked just once, and instantly started to turn pink. They let me nuzzle the little guy for about 30 seconds, then he

and Mike rolled down to the nursery, they stitched me up, and sent me to recovery.

Over the next day, we threw names around. Yup, our first born was "Baby Schroeder" for the first 24-hours of his life. It finally got to the point where we actually tried 3 different names for an hour at a time to see if they fit. But in the end, he was Milo, and it was right.

Milo Patrick, today you are a year old. You are named after great men, you are lucky to have

fantastic grandparents, aunties, uncles, and cousins, let alone loads of other people who love you, and you have a couple of first-time parents just trying to do their best. The one thing you will always have plenty of is love; can't guarantee anything else, but you will be surrounded by people who love you. Can't wait to see the boy and man you grow into...

The-Milo-bootie scoot...

So I think our kid is anti-crawling. He's doing this on his hands and knees, then pulls with his hands, and scoots his butt. Weird but effective, we leave him in one spot, and then he's across the room. I guess it's time to baby-proof :)

What do you think?

Mike, Milo, and I visited a church not too long ago, and I'm thinking maybe I'm being too critical. So I'm sending this out into the void, thinking you all could give me some perspective with your diverse backgrounds and experiences in the Christian market. Beautiful church, modern, inviting, nice people greeting, nice, easy music. Milo was approaching nap time, but sometimes when he's distracted, i.e. lots of music, people, and even some interesting lights, he does fine. So we kept him with us. He started to talk a little bit, not even fuss, just talk, but kinda loud, so I got up with him and started to leave the sanctuary. As I do so, one of the usher-type people standing near the back of the church emphatically mouths the words "thank you," with a ginormous smile.

So here's my thing: was this woman just finding a way to connect with me by shooing me out with my infant? Are they so concerned with the perfection of the performance that was taking place, that even a few baby babbles might distract from the "perfect" worship that was taking place? Where do babies fit in in God's Kingdom? And maybe I had this church's answer for that too:

As I left the sanctuary, to wander the halls outside, rocking Milo to sleep, every person who walked by tried to point me to the nursery or the mother's room. At this point, I wasn't bothering anyone, at least I didn't think I was, we were quiet, Milo was sweetly asleep in my ams, and here I could at least still hear the service and the pastor's message. Did we not fit in at all because we didn't go to our assigned spot? Am I being contrary because I didn't want to go to the mother's room or the nursery of an unfamiliar church?

I guess I know I'm being a little sensitive, but why do we have to have a spot where people have to go when they meet the specifications? I love that churches try to cover all their bases, but in doing so, are we forcing people into generic labels, not allowing the joy of the generations, of different perspectives and environments? And what happens when people aren't happy with the labels churches give them? I remember right before me and Mike got married, I was still in college, barely, Mike had just graduated, and we were trying to go to the "college and career" group at our church, but it was a majority of underclassmen, and the focus was thus on them, understandably. But when Mike and I tried to fit in elsewhere, the adult group was mostly people at least 15-20 years older than us who did not try very hard to value us because in their mind, we probably belonged in the college and career class, not in theirs.

I guess I'm just questioning the system, throwing this all out to you, whether you care or not, whether you've experienced something like this, or if your church has a better answer. I have to admit, Mike and I just moved from a church that I feel like had an answer, but now we're three states away, and I have the sneaking suspicion, they were a rare find...

Road tripping...

What do you do to keep an almost-1-year-old busy on an ungodly long roadtrip? Almost anything, but specifically give him the favorite toy from cousin Finn... Mike is convinced that the sheep is trying to get Milo to help him blow up London Bridge, but I don't know; he's just so innocent ;) (when you press the button to "call" the sheep, the phone plays "London Bridges")

Father's Day...

So a little late, but doesn't really matter in blog-world, right? Mike, Milo, and I returned to our new home after a week vacation with Mike's family in SC on Mike's first Father's Day. We got back early afternoon before Mike's first official overnight shift at the pharmacy, so we decided to keep it chill, walked to our new favorite spot, a little Irish pub a couple blocks away, had an early dinner on the patio, and just enjoyed our nuclear family.

Mike and I have both been pretty distracted recently, but let me take this small moment to give you all a few reasons why Mike is a fantastic dad:

1. Though I don't always appreciate it, he does the best "muppet" voice, and it always cracks a smile for Milo.

2. He sneaks in at night after the kid's asleep to oogle him.

3. He can manage to convince Milo to keep eating until his little belly is taunt.

4. Throwing Milo is a new favorite past-time, and it does freak me out a little, but it's a Dad's right, right?

5. Even though he's working overnights, he lets me take a nap in the morning and hangs out with the kid.

6. He loves to put Milo on his shoulders or back, with our without straps and safety harnesses.

7. He's worried that Milo loves me best.

8. He's not afraid of sh-tastrophes.

9. He tells me when I'm being overprotective or I need to let Milo cry.

10. He wants to take Milo to baseball games before Milo knows what a game or a ball is.

11. Even though he's never been a baby lover in the past, he's a Milo lover, and would and does do anything for him. I guess it is different when he's your own...

Breathing...

We're on the move again. Sorry to you faithful readers who have been sticking with us thru this hiatus. We've moved to another state, another job (for Mike), another stage in life (Meg, to exclusive mommy-time), and a new and updated blog. Going to try and keep this one going a little more diligently as I have more time, and more things of note to write about. Milo will probably be the star, as he is the most interesting right now :), so hang on, and here's a whirlwind update of who we are to date:

Mike graduated from pharmacy school with all kinds of accolades and top honors. (After his name in the graduation program, they didn't have enough room to list all the symbols to go with all the honors :) After not matching for a clinical pharmacy residency program (don't ask us, we still don't know why, but I will say he was one of a great number of students who did not match; the pharmacy residency programs are looking at the process to alleviate this problem in the very near future), he was actively wooed by several nuclear pharmacy companies before choosing one in Toledo. Mike started the last week in May, and he'll be training for the next few months, studying for his certification, and starting his life as a real-life pharmacist.

Milo is almost a year old, who knows how that happened?! He's refusing to crawl, happy to have us carry him around, but he's rolling, scooting, pulling himself to a sit, and with a couple of hands, standing and toddling around. Currently we're in Myrtle Beach with Mike's family, and Milo is loving the toddler pool. In a little floatie, he walks all over the pool, splashes, flirts with all the ladies, and tries not to fry his little tow-head :) He's doing lots of chatting, a few words, not always on purpose, and some periodic screeches. Overall, he is a great baby, lots of fun, personality growing all the time, and far too easy to a first baby...

I gave not quite 4 weeks notice at my store in Edina, worked on the Saturday that we loaded the moving truck (my mom says that was the best way to save my marriage ;), and we drove to OH the following day. I guess I don't really know how to do anything gradually, just everything all at the same time. And now, I'm a stay-at-home mom. I'll probably keep working at a Gap nearby, mostly for social implications and connections, some adult conversation, but my job will be to take care of my kid, my husband, and my home. I've never not worked, so this will be an interesting transition for me...

We moved into a great little place downtown, a converted warehouse, exposed brick, high, unfinished ceilings, a right down the road from the river, the children's science museum, and the art museum, and a block from the farmer's market. My little slice of heaven until we find a home to buy.

So as the chaos subsides, packing, unpacking, driving, vacation, driving some more, Mike starting to work overnights, setting up our home, moving furniture, moving furniture back, trying one more time, hanging pictures, moving pictures, walking to the market, learning to be a house elf, and everything else I can't think of or know of right now, I'm just breathing...

Grandpa Gary...

My grandpa is dying. It's funny, I feel like I'm really close and not so close to him all at the same time. We've never lived in close proximity to Grandma and Grandpa, but we've always managed to see them on a fairly regular basis. And in our times spent, Grandpa doesn't mess around. You know where you stand with him at all times. And this is one of the things I respect and love the most about him: his sometimes brutal honesty. My grandpa is a true and sincere man, one of integrity and responsibility, he's a bit old-school in his roles in the family, but this also means we've always been well-cared for and given every opportunity.

He's not a terribly emotional or sensitive guy, but in the last few months, he's softened greatly. I've seen him love my grandma like never before. I've seen him love my son. I've seen him love and appreciate my mom and my aunt. And now I realize, I do know him. I know what he stands for, what is most important to him, what he loves. Really, what else defines a person than what they believe in and who they love?

I am worried about my grandma, so if you are one that prays, please pray for her. She was actually in the hospital as of this morning with a twisted small intestine, and I know that just the stress of being away will not help. I think we'll be working on Grandpa's blog if you'd like more updates: cancerassassin.blogspot.com

Big love and hugs, Grandma and Grandpa.

Makes me smile...

What is it about naked baby pictures that we love so much?

Gap nerds...

So we periodically do these photo op things to get staff and people excited about new product and what-not. This spring it's denim-on-denim. I know, bring me back to junior high, right? Though I will say, a lot of it is really cute, love that the G-A-P is going back to its classic roots. And of course the munchkin finds his way into everything we can possibly work a cute kid into, which is basically everything. So here's our gang, sporting lots of denim and chambray!

First real hug...

Milo really snuggled on purpose today. He's usually pretty calm and cuddly, but today, shortly before he went down for a nap, he held on and snuggled in. I know it's nature, that he knows I'm his mom, that I'm a warm body, and he was getting a little sleepy, but man, there's nothing like your kid holding on to you. It's totally self-gratification, but in and amongst the slightly crabby wining that's been happening with some teeth coming in, I'm very grateful for these softer moments. Thanks kiddo, for loving me just as I am. Not that you really have a choice :)

Here's the munchkin with Auntie Karen at Bucca's on her birthday. Thanks for sharing your day with us, Karen! Milo loves all his aunties, that's for sure!

Daddy play time...

.

Here's a typical evening with Mike and Milo..

His new favorite thing...

So Mom got Milo this MN gophers hat for Christmas, and it's one of those fold-over beanie-type things. His new favorite thing is to pull the hat down over his face and just sit there. He doesn't freak out or anything, just sits there with his hat pulled down over his eyes... Last night, on the way home from an outing, he pulled his hat down and fell asleep... Are we that traumatizing that he already feels the need to block us out? :)

And then he woke up when I opened the door. Peek!

May the jumping commence...

Busy, busy, busy...

Sorry avid fans, lacking in the updating of the blog. Crazy times at work as holiday shipments come pouring into the store, literally filling our backroom floor to ceiling. My last wedding of the year was this past weekend as the Hastings on Mike's mom's side of the family married off their youngest. Beautiful ceremony, and I have to say, I think the flowers looked pretty good. Mom was up for a couple of weeks to help with daycare as one of my daycare providers was on vacation, but I barely saw her. I worked, came home, slept, and started again the next day all over again. But Mike and I are both missing her. No one to magically do our dishes while we're gone during the day. No one to make us coffee and share a cup with in the morning. Mom is such an easy visitor, I almost feel guilty. And we found out about a month ago that my grandpa has lung and brain cancer. So I've made a few trips down there over the past couple of weeks to hang out with him and my grandma. They only just moved up from Texas to Iowa, amazing timing, but hard and unfair all at the same time. The first time in my life that we've been this close geographically, and it's difficult to enjoy it. But I think I'm closer to both of my grandparents than I've ever been. Milo survived his 4-month appointment today, and mom was much better prepared with baby tylenol, so everyone's surviving well. I'll leave you with this great picture my friend Kory took of the little nugget. Gap's advertising for this holiday is all about the snowflakes made out of people, you know with everyone's head in the middle and their arms and legs radiating out in a snowflake-like shape? And in one of them, in the middle of the human snowflake is this little baby, the nugget. We've decided that our management should do one of these pictures, and Milo will be our nugget.

Milo's first rugby match...

My friend Alex plays rugby. This is a mysterious sport to me. It looks and sounds like pain incarnate. Kayla says it's everything boys want to do in sports, and anything goes, no holds barred. Though I think Alex did say one time that biting wasn't allowed. Other than that, anything goes.

Alex plays on the U of M team, and they're really good. They go to nationals every year, and I guess they're a club sport, but they play all the D1 teams. Yesterday, they played in the U's new outdoor stadium; pretty big deal in that they

usually play on some random field with no benches or bleachers for their few fans to watch from. But this match, they invited lots of people, and went to battle against their arch nemesis,

U of Wisconsin, Madison (there's a big rivalry with them in every sport apparently, something with gophers and badgers)

Alex's whole family came, Sarah, his gorgeous girlfriend, and her whole family (who happen to all be great friends with Alex's family) came, and Kayla and Derek and Milo and I went to see and be proud.

As I said, I don't really understand how rugby goes, but Alex seemed to play a pretty important

role. He's #1 (the announcer at the start of the match introduced him as "#1, both in uniform

and in their hearts" or something like that :) You can see him lifting a guy up to try and grab a

toss from the sidelines. He also ends up being in the scrum, or scrim, or scrub, that huge crowd that tries to plow the other team over while getting the ball to their own player.

It was super fun to watch, and I'd love to learn the rules sometime. Milo was a great sport; maybe he'll play rugby some day? I guess that goes back to him earning his nickname "Mack" if he can survive a match with cousin Jake the Tank :) Way to go Alex; you're #1 in our hearts too!