I have just received news that a dear friend of mine has lost her grandfather. Grandpa Wayne, who we have prayed for so many times, passed away on June 21st. Manda L., I'm so sorry for your loss and will continue to pray for you with this new request. I know this is not a terribly profound thought, but sometimes, wrapped up in Belize, so far from everything, I forget that life continues for so many. So many happy things, so many sad things... I can't believe I am not closer to comfort my friend and her family. I feel like I'm getting updates on a TV show I've been missing, not my life. I think this is one of the major reasons I would have a major issue being this far away for any longer. I am removed from my own life. I know things are continuing as they should for now, but you all are my life too. God has ingrained in us the inherent desire and gift to be in relationship with each other. And I am missing that. New relationships have been started or reacquired, but I am missing all of you, my friends and family...
As many of you know, Mike and I are "off" most of this week. One of my bosses, in his infinite wisdom, decided that three trips in a row is plenty, we should take some time before finishing with our final three. I have been very grateful for this time. Time to start processing, both with Mike and on my own (as he did get into the scuba certification class, so he's been gone a lot). Processing my new thoughts on people and what makes them tick. Thoughts on God and how and when He works. Removed thoughts about all of you. Seeing different relationships here actually sometimes helps me to better understand others. Seeing how Belizeans are friends and family highlights things I love about all of you and points out areas of improvement for me.
People here have to be intentional. About family, about friends, about God. They cannot afford, in any aspect of that word, to be lukewarm. They are compassionate and warm, they are honest and seek the truth. They are guarded and yet open and receiving at the same time. We walk right up to peoples' homes here without hesitation, yell a greeting, and start a conversation with complete strangers. And they receive us warmly. Maybe because we are foreign, but I think because that's the way they are with everyone. They always cautiously give you the benefit of the doubt; they're not stupid or careless, just open. Though I probably come in with my preconceived notions, prejudices, American arrogance, and whatever else I haven't identified in myself, they wait and see, allowing me the opportunity to prove myself wrong.
In what US neighborhood would anyone welcome stangers into their yards, let alone their houses, for a casual chat? What American church would welcome a group at a moments notice to come and take over a church service with open arms and appreciative smiles. Though most of our pastors and ministry staff could really use a day off, we would rarely if ever relinquish that control. Don't get me wrong, I love the US, I miss it daily; we just have a lot to learn about people. My major concern is whether I can bring this home...
I do know that here, when there is loss, the community grieves because loss effects the entire community. Manda, I'm thinking and praying for you.
4 comments:
Sounds like a rough week, honey. I'm sending long-distance hugs.
Coming back here isn't great either--a prototype at work is bad, my car battery needed extra coaxing the last couple of days (but ha!, I walked to work instead), and Gracie and I are trying to get used to life without George (she likes life at mom and dad's better than the apartment).
I pray that you are better. I pray that the trip next week goes smoothly and successfully although I am not sure exactly what that means.
Talk to you soon,
Heather
Oh, do you want me to send you a malaria pill to Belize?
thanks, sweet friend.
So good to hear the inner workings of your mind, my friend. I love you because you're you and the way you tick. Good for you, to continue to process so much about your life and life in general.
Very brief update: We're giving Jackson up. Only one more visit from Jim's family for the summer. Counseling is going well. Did you know that I'm fully responsible for myself? If I am hurt and resentful it is because I choose to be? Amazing stuff.
Looking forward to long chats and even longer backrubs at an undetermined time.
I miss you. --Amy
Amy-- Giving Jackson up?!? What happened? Everything okay? Good to hear that everything else is going well. And yes, we are responsible for ourselves, though greatly influenced by outside sources... Definitely loving the thought of a long talk about this and much more over back rubs... Sooner rather than later?
Heather-- No, send it to Larry and Steph, won't ever reach us here. Thanks though!
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